It should be noted that this was the most innocent picture I could find...
Tonight, I spent over two hours walking aimlessly around the Santa Monica Promenade attempting to find a white shirt for my new job. You would think this would be an easy task, but apparently all white shirts are actually made with see through white material and are designed to show a valley of cleavage. Since I don't enjoy wearing an imaginary shirt and...oh yeah, I was not exactly blessed in the boobage category, this turned into a fruitless activity.
I think my frustration reached its pinnacle when I made the fatal error of walking into Abercrombie and Fitch. I must admit, I haven't been inside one of their stores since college, and maybe its because I'm 30 now, but I was completely perplexed by the store. First, what is with the porn all over the place? Is this supposed to make kids feel more inclined to drop sixty bones on a stupid t-shirt or have pre-martial sex? Second, what is with the music? If I worked there I would go insane. Is this a clothing store or a weird psychological experiment to test breaking points of noise? Third, could we turn up the lights? I literally had to use my phone to check the price of a white shirt, that actually turned out to be a light blue. Lastly, the smell. Are we serious about the smell? I remember in sixth grade I bought my "boyfriend" a bottle of Drakkar Noir, that I stored in my locker because I was afraid my mom would find out about it. And then one day, while throwing my books into the locker I smashed the bottle, and for the entire year, you could smell my locker a mile away. I was convinced this was the most pungent experience I would ever endure, and then I walked around Abercrombie for five minutes and blood started to trickle down my nose. Do they pump the cologne through the vents or do workers periodically dump bottles all over the store?
Will someone please get back to me with these answers...and a white shirt?