Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Which One Are You?

How cool are those old guy's shorts?

Last night while sitting at the park reading I realized there are many types of runners. For example:

1. There's the "I'm running with my shirt off because, in 1988, I had an awesome six pack."

2. There's the individual who runs with their elbows locked into their sides and slightly out, or the "T-Rex Run" as I like to call it.

3. There's the "I run because I love it. NOT, because I'm scared of getting fat. NO, I love it. I'm so freaking hungry, but I LOVE it."

4. There are the guys who run at 11.7 miles an hour because they really aren't human, but robots designed by an evil man plotting to destroy all self-esteem the rest of us have.

5. There are the ones who just started their diet today and thought a run would be a good way to kick it off. (These are easy to spot because they are usually running in construction boots, cut off jean shorts, a worn t-shirt and gasping for air - these people could also be running from the law.)

6. There's the ones who drag their feet so much I wonder if they are just creating enough static to power their disc man, or wiping off dog crap they stepped in a few feet back.

7. There's the couple out for a run, who have two completely different objectives. The guy, is there to get through this miserable experience so he can get back to his couch. The girl, is there to help him get back to the weight he was when they first started dating.

8. There's the dancers / pop singers / runners. These are sort of my favorite. They are the ones who become so enraptured with their Ipod they don't realize they are singing along and bobbing their head as they run.

9. There's the mom pushing her baby in a stroller, who hopes she'll be able to get rid of the lingering baby fat, but knows once she gets home she's most likely cool down with a diet coke and cake icing.

10. There's the girls who run in almost nothing because they are actually not out for a run, but heading to work at the Gentleman's Club. (I loathe this group.)

I guess I would put myself as #11: The retired college athlete, who only runs in lacrosse paraphernalia, and cries out in pain after twenty minutes because her knees are old. So, what kind of runner are you?

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