Wednesday, April 8, 2009

No Thank You PETA

Unlike my sister, I've never been a huge fan of animals. Actually, I would go so far as to say I sort of fear and hate them. Where do these strong feelings come from? Well, let's start in kindergarten when I was chased by a pack of ferocious Dobermans. I'll never forget stepping off the short bus and coming face to face with these creatures. I think I threw my trapper keeper at them and then ran like hell (sorry, there's no other way to describe it) to my neighbor's house. Fortunately, she heard our pounding and opened the door just in time to save us. (Experience One).

Now let's move a year forward to when I was playing with my friend's rabbit. A rabbit...who can hate a rabbit? Well, I do because while my friend was petting the rabbit, it jumped out of her arms and hopped over to me AND THEN BIT ME IN THE FREAKIN' LEG. Yeah, the leg. The rabbit bit my leg. (Experience Two).

Let's move to the horse. While I was horseback riding at my sister-in-law's cabin we came upon a moose. The moose became scared by the horse's presence, which in turn, freaked out the horse, which caused him, while me still on it, to take off in a mad gallop. I have had vivid brushes with death, but nothing compares to holding onto that horse for dear life. (Experience Three)

In Mongolia dogs were actually bred by Satan. Honestly, I don't know if they just eat nails for breakfast or if they are just angry from living in 30 below weather, but I never saw a nice dog. One day while we were out in a Mongolian ghetto a dog starting barking at us from behind a fence. Usually, I would just walk by and ignore the barking, but today I was in a funny mood so I started to talk to the dog. I asked him if he was interested in learning about our church, or if he had heard of the Book of Mormon. To my dismay, he only answered with more barking. I then asked him why he was so angry, and again, more barking. At this point, I gave up the conversation and started to walk away. The dog just continued to growl and bark at us from behind the fence. Eventually, we got to the end of the fence and the dog appeared. (Apparently, it wasn't an enclosed fence.) Now, I guess I had this coming, but this dog wasn't happy to see me. Without a second thought, my companion and I grabbed some rocks and prepared to defend ourselves. Fearlessly, the dog charged us and we took off in a dead sprint. I'll admit I threw one rock, but it didn't matter - these dogs were crazy. Fortunately, the dog came across some garbage and we were able to walk away unscathed. (Experience Four).

So, there you go. My four experiences that have led me to dislike animals. Sorry Elisa.

1 comment:

Aries327 said...

Referred by EKM. This cracked me up. I love the smart alecky way you talked to the dog. Too funny.