Saturday, April 4, 2009

Kenny, You Suck

My favorite picture of Finn.

I've never been a poor loser until I played co-ed intramural basketball in college. Our team was affectionately called the S.O.B's and were undefeated through the regular season. For the final game we were matched up against the creatively named Blue Devils. To this day, I have no idea where they came up with such an original name. Anyway, this crew was a collection of all the basketball managers, who thought just because they had stolen some basketball shorts and handed water to the players, were just a notch down from the scholarship stars that ruled our school. Consequently, we were fired up to take these posers down, who by the way ran plays and different defenses. Oh, if only Coach K could have seen them.

Anyway, the game went back and forth and with five seconds left the biggest poser of them all made a three to win the game. To say I was absolutely devastated would be a gross understatement. There are only a few games in my athletic career that I would like back and this would be one of them.

When we got home my roommate, Finn, and I started to brainstorm ideas of retaliation against the D-Bag who had won the game. We toyed with straight up violence, kidnapping and even toed the line of cutting his brakes. Finally, we decided on something a little less violent, but still satisfying.

In a moment of sheer genius Finn called Duke's information phone line and asked for the number of one Kenny. (The D-Bag's number on campus). After three rings, a guy answered the phone and Finn asked, "Is Kenny there?" In response, the guy said, "Yeah, this is Kenny," to which Finn said, "You suck!" and hung up the phone. This ritual continued for weeks. Sometimes Finn would call. Sometimes I would call and we would never deviate from the script.

Now, I know what you are thinking. One, why did Kenny keep answering his phone? Well, kids this was before cell phones and caller ID. (The world was such a happier place before these inventions.) Two, why didn't Finn and I just let the game go? Well, that's a stupid question and I'm not going to answer it. Three, did Kenny ever find out it was us? The answer would be no, and before you ask your next obvious question, no, I don't feel bad.

So, that's it - my one poor loser moment....and yes, Kenny, YOU STILL SUCK!

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