What I Learned In Health Class

For almost the past year Pierre (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) and I have been trying to multiply and replenish the earth. Unfortunately, because we aren't teenagers at a New Jersey prom we have been unable to fulfill our procreation duties. Consequently, throughout this year I have been dabbling in the fun world of, "What the heck is wrong with my body?" This fun exploration has taught me a lot of things. For example, I've been learning about patience, trials, how jacked up one can really get on hormones and female anatomy. Now, I'm not trying to be uncomfortably explicit, but honestly, throughout this process I have learned of how little I actually know about the female body. For example, the other day I went to get an x-ray of my tubes, or plumbing as I like to call it, and realized that I have no idea what a fallopian tube is. As I laid there getting mine x-rayed, the doctor pushed a screen in front of my face so I could see what he was doing. In a moment of panic I saw some squiggly lines and thought, "Oh, crap there's the problem. My plumbing is all over the place." As I started to imagine the conversation I was going to have with Pierre about our childless future, the doctor said, "Well, the fallopian tubes look great." Look great? What are bad ones supposed to look like?

So, I guess those Health classes in fifth grade were really helpful, and apparently, our plumbing isn't all streamlined and color coded. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed.