Thursday, August 15, 2013

Slapping Could Become A National Holiday If You Are Willing To Help

The other day was National Middle Child Day.  (I didn't celebrate it for fear of offending one of my siblings.  I mean, I have an older brother and a twin sister, who is older than me by 28 minutes, you tell me, genius of genealogy, who's day it is?)  And, yesterday was Left Hander's Day and on the 30th is Marshmallow Toasting Day.  Can we just stop this madness?  I mean, seriously, what is going on here?

First, who decided and fought for April 4th to be National Tell a Lie Day?  Was there a march in Washington I wasn't told about?  Was I told and LIED TO that the march was in New York?  Did it require a lot of signatures?  Did people even write their real names?  Did my father sign it "Clark Kent" like how he signed all my report cards and bad tests?  What do you get someone for this holiday?  Tell your boyfriend you are pregnant with someone else's baby, and when he freaks out, you say, "Silly, it's National Tell a Lie Day.  Remember?!"

Secondly, who is aware of these random holidays and are people out there actually celebrating them?  Is someone right now taking an oath of silence until June 15th where they can officially scream, because it's National Hollering Day, at their entire office for the whole work day?  Or is there a mass murderer out there just plotting his day of terror on National Beheading Day, when he can chop a bunch of heads off and plead, "But, but,'s a holiday?!" when he's arrested?

And lastly, and most importantly, are all the days taken up?  Isn't there still stuff out there that should be, no needs to be celebrated?  Like National Slap Someone Day?  What, there's only been failed campaigns on Facebook to promote slapping of co-workers and general idiots?  And even a "Slap Someone's Butt" didn't really take off?  No one has locked up this day?  Fantastic.  Bring on the signatures, bring on the open date, hopefully some time around the spring - let's get this one on the books. Who's with me?

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