Thursday, August 8, 2013

Pot or Swimming?

For the past couple of weeks I've been attempting to swim laps at night, and you know what I've realized about swimming?  It sucks. No, seriously, in the way of exercise it totally sucks. Jumping off diving boards, playing Marco Polo, doing hand stands in the water = fun.  Swimming back forth like a human ping pong game = sucks.  (I'll elaborate, but before I do, I must apologize to my mother for the excessive use of "sucks."  For some reason, "suck" was not a word we were allowed to use in our home.  So, sorry Mom, I su...)

Okay, now before you get all swimming is great for your body and blah, blah, blah let's discuss why no one should be swimming for exercise:

ONE
It's not easy.  You know all those idiots, who do it really fast in the Olympics and make it look really fun?  Well, they are lying to you America.  Lying.  I don't know if you know this, but humans can't breathe under water and you know what you need when you are exercising?  AIR!  You know where and when it's hard to find air?  WHILE THRASHING AROUND IN A POOL TRYING NOT TO DIE.

TWO
It's boring.  Seriously, boring.  You know why Michael Phelps starting using pot after the Olympics?  Because his mind was already so wasted from going back and forth, and back and forth in a pool.  Honestly, being stoned must have seemed like another day at practice. And if that's not enough did you ever watch Ryan Lochte's show on E!?  The guy is a two levels above a coma patient.  He's a moron.  Seriously, I would have liked to known the Ryan Lochte before swimming - I bet he was a sharp guy.

THREE
The pool.  The pool.  I know they contain chemicals that magically protect you from other people's urine, snot, spit and whatever bodily fluids, but still.  Still.  They are floating in there, I'm running that crap in and out of my mouth...I can't go on.  It's just...no, let's just leave it at...the pool.

So, I'm thinking of just taking up pot. If it's good enough for Michael Phelps...

If you are in favor of pot and this post give the good ol' "TOP MOMMIES BLOG" logo a little click!  It's right over there to your right.

3 comments:

Kristin Smith said...

One of the reasons I cannot do a triathlon. The swimming part is not appealing. Love swimming with the kids in the kids, but laps are horrible!!

Heather said...

I would love to see a link on Top Mommy Blogs to your blog. Pot and all. Oh, how I miss you, Kate.

4 Reale said...

Wanna do a triathalon with me in September in St George?