Tuesday, August 13, 2013

It Is Now Safe to Unbuckle Your Belt and Create A Mob

In less than three weeks the husband, the baby and I are flying to Hawaii.  Now before you get disgusted with me for going to Hawaii, let me re-state that last sentence: the husband, THE BABY and I are FLYING to Hawaii.  Flying on a plane for four hours with a child, who hates to sit still, wants to crawl over everything and can only sleep if it's pitch dark, in her bed and with some gentle ocean sounds.  (Yes, yes, I created this monster.  Let's move on.)  So, what are my thoughts right now?  Um, sheer terror comes to mind.  Protecting my child from a mob of angry fliers, who have grouped together around our seat with signs that read, "No More Babies On Planes" and "I Didn't Pay $400 to Hear a Baby Cry."  (Where did they get the poster boards for signs?  I don't know.  Why is it all of the sudden a dark night and some of them are holding torches?  Again, I can't explain this mob.)

Now, to be honest, our baby doesn't really cry, but she does enjoy exploring and completely invading people's personal space.  In the past, this little Christopher Columbus act (the exploring, not the committing of genocide of Native Americans) hasn't been a problem, but on a plane I fear what is going to happen.  All I can picture are dirty hands reaching out over, through and under seats to grab my child's hands, and like the movie Contagion, passing on some crazy bird virus they picked up during a business trip to China.  I'm going to ask, but I don't think they'll allow it, but I'm thinking of walking behind the drink cart and dumping sanitizer on anyone who even had the thought of touching my baby or handing over their nasty keys for her to jingle eat.  It sounds extreme, but I think once they feel the disappearing gel hit and then wash over them, they are going to thank me and my baby for boarding their flight.

Do you think it's too late to just ship my baby?

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1 comment:

SkippyMom said...

Dip her in hand santizer. ::grin::

Seriously tho' - we flew a few times with Wallene when she was that age [illness in our family, not vacation, natch] and you'd be surprised how well they do and that people really don't want to touch, or have anything to do with your baby.

We got on one flight and there were no less than 4 babies under the age of 1 year old, ours included, on that flight. All of us parents could FEEL the hate emanating from the other 168 passengers. I was actually a little scared that time. But do you know, no one of those kids, not one, made a peep for the entire 4 hours. We actually had passengers thanking all the parents for such well behaved kids.

They had obviously not seen the flight attendants slipping us mini bottles of liquor. ::wink::

Have a fabulous time in Hawaii.

Off to click for the Hick.