I'm Sorry I Didn't Hear What You Said Because Someone Is Making Love In My Ear

Every day from 4-5 (in case anyone is stalking me) I go for a walk with the little one.  And while I walk I usually listen to an audio book on my phone.  Here's the thing about audio books - they're awesome because one, they pass the time.  Two, you can still say, "I read that," because no one is going to ask you, "Now, when you said 'read' did you mean 'listen to.'"  (And if they ask this call them a jerk.  Go ahead. I give you permission.)  Three, audio books ensure I won't do a "Kate read" through the last four chapters, which basically consists of me reading the first sentence of each paragraph.  (This drives my husband crazy because he'll be like, "So, how did he die in the end?" and I'll be like, "Who died?")  And lastly, listening to the book makes you a star at the book club.  Why?  Because let's be honest, there are some characters' names in books no one has a clue on how to pronounce.  If you think I'm wrong tell me how you said Hermione from Harry Potter in your mind when you read the 19,000 page books?  I'll bet you were shocked when you saw the movie and little Harry said Hermione (focus on the "eeee").  Had you listened to the book you would have been able to save yourself the embarrassment (because that's exactly what it was) of exclaiming, "That's not how I thought her name sounded!?"

Now for the drawbacks of the audio book.  One, if you walk away from an audio book for a few weeks best of luck finding your place.  Before you know it your main character is getting back from a funeral and just about to make love to his nemesis.  How did this happen?  Who died?  You'll never know.

And two, audio books can be extremely awkward.  For example, it's one thing to read a steamy scene in a book and it's another to actually hear it loudly in your ear.  Somehow listening to it makes me feel like I've stumbled into a kind of movie theater my mother told me to stay away from.  And then as the scene gets worse, I find myself thinking the whole world knows I'm listening to absolute smut right now.  I'll pass fellow walkers with a look of, "I'm sorry for what you might catch as you walk by me.  It seemed like an innocent enough crime thriller...morning..."

So, here's my final analysis: Audio Books - great ways to pass the time, but causes terrible moments of awkwardness.  Recommendation: Never listen to audio books with your parents or keep them on when you pull up to toll booths.