Tuesday, August 27, 2013
I Want My MTV
1. What. Was. With. The. Outfits?! Robin Thicke was straight up dressed like Beetlejuice. Dude, you made a porn video for your song - the least you could have done was steal a costume of a "surprise mailman" or "Pizza Delivery Man." And Lady Gaga and Hannah Montana I didn't tune in to see your white bodies flippy flopping all over my screen. Lady Gaga let's go back to raw meat, and Ms. Miley, Ms. Miley let's at least wear some granny nude underwear next time. I saw a little too much butt wiggle - and not in the good way.
2. Who. Are. These. People? Sadly, the only people I truly recognized were the following (and the thoughts that accompanied my recognition) Will Smith - I wish he was performing "Gettin' Jiggy With It." N'Sync - I wonder how many phones calls from Joey Fatone it took for JT to finally acquiesce and do this fifteen second version of "Bye, Bye, Bye?" Do you think they knew Lance Bass was gay back then? Taylor Swift - She reminds me of that hot girl in high school who everyone wanted to date, but then broke up with after they found her standing over them in the middle of the night whispering, "Hi, honey...I just wanted to watch you sleep."
3. Avery. Is. Never. Watching. MTV. I'm sure my parents had this thought back when Warrant was singing "Cherry Pie" and Right Said Fred was telling us how sexy he was, but seriously, this show was ridiculous. Whatever happened to the good ol' days of videos? Real World that was real and not a bunch of drunk whores and meatheads? Kurt Loder, who reported on music news like he was reporting a serious nuclear blast in Russia? Where did the good days of MTV go?