Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Friendly Insert

Last night I finally went out to the mailbox and collected our mail from the holidays.  What?  And, I guess you are going to judge me for FINALLY bringing in my trashcans from last week as well?!

Anyway, as I was going through the holiday cards, I was struck by two things.  One, how come all the "fringe" people in your life think you are closer than you really are, and that your one week at summer basketball camp in middle school warrants a holiday card?  Listen you people on the fringe stop sending me cards and making me consider (for a minute - mind you) about sending out a "late New Year's Card" to make up for the fact that I ONCE AGAIN left you off my list!  Stop it!  And two, people, people, people let's be honest about the insert some of you like to include in the card.  Are you 100% positive that any of us, one of us, are actually going to open your card and think, "An entire page of their past year!?  One page.  That's it?  Come on, I need more.  I need so much more.  You can't possibly tell me everything in one page.  I won't accept it or believe it!"....and then actually read it.  It doesn't happen.  Trust me.  I see that page and think, "Hmmm...that's a lot of words together...I should...hey, another Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon..."

So, here are my thoughts if you are going to be put an insert least be honest, or at least be interesting.

  1. So, if the hubby got a new job - tell us how much he's making or the pay cut he took.
  2. If Billy is playing baseball this year let's be honest - is he any good or are you slightly hoping he breaks his leg so you don't have to watch him ride the pine for another year.
  3. And if you, as the dutiful homemaker and card giver, feels completely unfulfilled, don't give us some lame statement about how this year you are really going to get into yoga and mastering that cupcake recipe.  We are sad reading it and I bet, you were sad writing it.  Just be honest. Say this instead - "So, I'm still waking up a minute before the kids have to leave for school and then I medicate myself with Diet Coke and Judge Judy until they return."  
Guess what?  If you are this honest, I promise everyone and I mean everyone will read your insert for years to come. 


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