Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Cut and Then Paste

The other night the husband and I decided to watch Taken 2 for our hot Saturday night date.  (And when I say "hot," I really mean handcuffed to our house for the next ten years until our child decides that restaurants can become "our thing" again.)  Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen this movie I need you to focus...readers, you need to focus on what I'm about to tell you!  Honestly, this had to have been the easiest movie to write.  Step one: highlight entire script from first Taken, press copy and then press paste.  Step two: erase daughter being taken, add wife...hmmm....add more demands for people to focus.  Step three: make gobs of money. 

Okay, I'll admit I enjoy watching hunched over Liam Neeson kick the crap out of hundreds of bad guys (Honestly, there were hundreds of dudes he killed.  After a while, the husband turned to me and said, "I got to be honest, if I just saw this guy kill six of my friends, all while dodging point blank bullets, I would probably run.  Just saying.")  I do love the absolute absurdity of these action movies.  One, why do seven guys wait for the hero to kill one guy before they attack?  Seriously, think about it Adidas wearing, European mercenary, while your friend is having his neck snapped, pull the trigger.  Bam, the guy is down.  It's that easy.  Stop waiting for Jackie Chan to finish flipping off the wall before you decide to pick up your knife and lunge at him.

Second of all, people, no matter how tough you think you are, can not get up after falling three stories ON YOUR BACK and then continue fighting.  It's impossible.  Truly impossible.  You are now paralyzed and if you aren't, I guarantee the log of wood, your nemesis just picked up and nailed you in the back with, has just finished the last piece of spine you did have.  And don't even get me started on the lack of blood.  You just got hit in the face with a vase, three fists and then round housed kicked.  I'm no UFC specialist, but I'm guessing one should have at least a slight amount of blood protruding from their face.

Lastly, Taken 2, we really could have used a better title.  I know, I know, the writer just copied the top title from the last script and threw a 2 on there so he remembered to grab the right one on the day of shooting, but come on.  2.  That's it?  At least give me a semicolon.  I love me some semicolon.  Oh, the possibilities of semicolon.  Taken 2 SEMICOLON Where focusing gets Found.  Taken 2 SEMICOLON Give it back.  Taken 2: Lay off Albania.  Something...

1 comment:

SkippyMom said...

I am just going to borrow ALL of your pithy lines and toss that out as my own the next time husband and I sit through one of these action ::gack:: thrillers.

Where do I send the royalties.

My favorite, and worth it to watch this movie - TakenSEMICOLONGive it back. heehee Although it was all brilliant.

Now explain to me please how the rest of us got pregnant, gave birth and our brains turned to mush, while you, are a newest Mom on the block and still able to string together such funny, intelligent posts with a big glob of spit up on your shirt?

The rest of us are lucky we washed our hair for the first six months [at least according to Mothers I read on line.] :)