Monday, March 23, 2009

Vomit Monster

I'm sorry I couldn't use a real person's picture for this entry.

Again, two entries for the price of one. I was way too tired last night to post anything. Don't worry I head back tomorrow and then back to the day to day grind.

There have been only a few times I have been utterly embarrassed. Typically, I can walk across a stage without falling, I don’t make inappropriate sounds when talking to people and I haven’t been caught telling a racist joke in front of a group of minorities. (Okay, once that happened, but I was in sixth grade so I don’t think it counts).

Probably, my first moment of real embarrassment had to have happened when I was in first grade. Picture a little tom boy with wild blonde hair, wearing Michael Jordan high tops and a t-shirt she stole from her brothers. That was me in first grade. Now, you might think this appearance embarrassed me, but you would be wrong. Actually, the embarrassing moment happened one fateful day in the cafeteria. I remember I started to feel sick after making my usual trade of homemade cookies for my friend’s fruit roll up. It wasn’t that I was feeling guilty for trading my mom’s cookies, but something else. All of the sudden I started to throw up and couldn’t stop. I got up from the table and continued to ralph all the way to the exit of the cafeteria. There I was met by my principal’s horrified face. He took one look at me, and while I continued to throw up everything I had eaten in my life, pushed me towards the nurse’s office. I remember as I vomited and walked, my principal trailed behind me trying not to step in my trail of (insert something that would properly describe a path of vomit). I’ll never forget this poor, slightly over weight man, desperately trying to hand me off to the nurse while dancing around my toxic path.

To this day I have no idea who poisoned me. I suspect the lunch lady who thought a hard boiled egg, tater tots and pudding was a good lunch for 75 cents, but I don’t have any hard evidence. I did eventually grow out of my infamous title of “Vomit Monster,” but the permanent damage continues. I still fear fruit roll-ups and my elementary school.

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