Thursday, October 24, 2013


For the past six trips, no exaggeration, to the grocery store I've been stopped at the entrance by an annoying Alberston's employee offering free samples of some type of alcohol.  (Which, before I continue, I must say I find a little strange. I get we all love free samples, but it was ten in the morning, and I'm not sure most of the moms in the store were looking for a nice shot to chase their coffee...or were they?  Ahh...Albertson's...)

Anyway, the first two times I was offered a sample I just quietly declined and walked by.  The third time this over zealous employee, who I'm pretty sure was severely smashed after three weeks of offering free booze, yelled out three times, "Miss, Miss, Miss..." and when I turned around, I saw him holding a dixie cup of alcohol and offering it to me like it was laced with a date rape drug.  This time, I said back, and to be honest, I'm not sure why I decided to make such a declaration of my alcohol abstinence (probably a throw back to college when I would have to explain to drunken idiots why I have never had alcohol before), I said, "I have never drank and still don't drink because of my religion."  What a role model.

Now you would think that this employee, though probably badly inebriated, would remember the religious testimony I so strongly bore, but a week later, there he was still holding the tempting cup of spirits.  However, his delivery had changed.  This time he said, "I see you have a baby in your cart.  How about a little pick me up."  I'll admit, this stopped me, but only to ask him, "What do you mean by that?"  In his book was a "pick me up" driving drunk with a baby?  Vodka on the breath during a play date at the park?  Passed out before nap time?  I wanted a little clarification.  Unfortunately, all I got, as I made eye contact, was a slurred, "Vodka and Christmas go hand in hand."  Ahh, and now everything is cleared up.

So, I ask, what can I do that I haven't done to fully communicate to this alcoholic that I'm not ever going to be interested in partaking of his free shot bar.  Walk into the store already shouting "No, NO, NOOO!"  Next time give him a pamphlet on AA?  Or take the shot and award him for the being the only person who could officially wear me down to drink?

Any ideas?

1 comment:

Lindsey Loo said...

Tell him you just got out of rehab.