Monday, October 7, 2013

Attention: Costco Sells Food You Can Take Home

I don't know about your local Costco, but I'm pretty sure the people that frequent mine have never seen free pieces of food being handed out.  I swear, I'll come around a corner and three hundred people, of all races, will be crowded around a terrified Costco employee, waiting to snatch a piece of steaming DiGiorno pizza like it's the first piece of food they've seen in six days.  People, I get it, it's like delivery pizza, but come on!

No seriously, will you people explain yourselves?  Is a trip to Costco your only food source?  Do you think the membership card is actually a pass to a free buffet of small pieces of cheese, sausages and kid vitamins?  Do you wonder what people are putting in those big carts, and why it seems that most of the food is all packaged up and not readily edible?  Why are you waiting for that snot nose kid to finally getting around to putting out new samples of coconut water?  Are you that excited to try an over-hyped source of hydration, or do you have some time to kill before you read a free book or look through other people's pictures, that haven't been picked up yet?

And lastly, let's make a pact, you crazy food starved zombies, once you've created the massive cart traffic jam with your nonsensical waiting game of a sample of Hidden Ranch Valley, get your sample and then...and here's the important part, MOVE ON!  Do you know what the measurements are of a Costco shopping cart?  It's like two Shaquille O'Neal's.  So, let's stop the madness.  You aren't going to ever buy the Wheat grass shake starter kit, and you know what a Dorrito chip tastes like - you do, don't lie, you do - so you don't need a sample of it.  You don't.

So, here's the rule:  If you are passing by and you can grab a sample without breaking stride, then fine, grab away.  Otherwise move on.

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