Monday, October 14, 2013

Hey, What About Stairway to Heaven

Okay, this picture is sort of a gross exaggeration of a church dance, but how could I not choose it? It's awesome.

I know this will come as a shock to you, but a few weeks ago I was asked to chaperone a church sponsored dance.  (I'm not sure if they were desperate or I haven't really allowed people to get to know me here in good ol' Irvine.)  Anyway, for those of you, who didn't grow up with the pleasure of attending a "church sponsored dance," let me tell you a little bit about it.

1. There's no way you can say "no" to any guy, who asks you to dance.  (I mean, the dance is being held in a church and you are supposed to be a Christian...blah, blah.)  Anyway, I hated this rule.  Inevitably, some sweaty handed boy, who was forced to attend the dance by his mom - so she could have one less mouth to feed that night, would find his way to me, and just as the longest song was being cued up, he would mutter those fateful words, "Will you dance with me?"  I will never forget those awkward seven minutes of robotically turning in a circle as the sweat from his hand ran down my arm.  Simply magical.

2. Again, you are in a church, so the chosen music can be interesting.  For some reason "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin was a staple, but I think it's only because the leaders at the time had no idea this wasn't a jazzed up hymn.  And then, there was always my favorite of a song just being stopped midway as the volunteered DJ, who was most likely a parent who knew how to work a tape player, realized the song playing was going down a bad path.  It was pretty awesome to be in the middle of a jamming running man (look it up kids) when all of the sudden the music would come to a screeching halt and "Stairway to Heaven" would begin again.

3.  And lastly, the dancing at these dances was always...well, it wasn't pretty.  Why?  Because again, we were in a church, so there was absolutely no close dancing, which basically translated into a terrible version of the 1950s where no one actually knows how to dance, but just sort of mildly touches each other until "Stairway to Heaven" finishes.  Again, very, very magical.

With all that said, I have to admit I was a little excited to attend my first church dance in 18 years. I mean, now I was on the other side and it was going to be awesome.  I was all excited to nudge awkward boys into asking the pretty girls, who aren't even in their same hemisphere, to dance. I wanted to request "Like a Virgin" by Madonna just so I could hear it shut off.  And I really, really wanted to confuse the kids by yelling, "Hey, you two, yeah you two, let's get a little closer here.  What, is she your sister?!"  It wasn't going to be awesome.  Unfortunately, Fortunately, I got sent home early before I could cause any damage.  Apparently, I was chewing gum.  Major no, no.

1 comment:

Benjamin said...

Not sure why more church's don't go the whole Footloose route. At least then the could be an underground dance scene and awkward moments teaching you best friend to slow dance in between driving the tractor.

The first time I chaparoned a church dance was also my last (11 years ago)...I gave a popular kid a wedgie (couldn't hit him...I would get arrested) for making vulgar comments about my sister-in-law (a teenager at the time). She hated me for that and he spent the rest of the dance trying to find friends to beat up the really old looking teenager. Only after the a couple drive by's did one of his friends say..."idiot, he's a chaperone and Kenzie's brother-in-law".

Good times!