Today I read that, "An Oklahoma man was charged with burglary after police allegedly matched his DNA to used toilet paper at the scene of the crime. Police said that Charles Williams used a home's bathroom while burglarizing it, leaving a mess behind. Williams was then identified by his droppings."
Um, let me take a moment. Okay, first what star police officer decided to go above and beyond with his detective skills and test, not only the used toilet paper, BUT the "droppings?" Why aren't we using this officer for more important issues like: 1. Where's Al Qaeda headquartered? (Based on their poo, of course.) 2. Who was there that day who decided to relieve themselves right before shooting Kennedy? 3. What's up with Scientology? (I don't really think he can sniff, (Get it?) this one out, but he seems like a great detective. I just want someone to explain to me why people follow this religion?
And lastly, Mr. Williams. Charles. You broke into a home to steal something. You have got to plan ahead. Either you are there to steal something or relieve yourself. You can't have both. There's just not time.
Droppings. My new favorite word.