The Ghetto Mix

I have a friend, who for my birthday always sends me a mix CD. (What? I grew up in the 80's and music mixes will always be cool. And so will Growing Pains remain one of the coolest shows.) So, this year she decided to send me two CDs: 1. Country Mix. Again, no mocking. I lived in the south for four years and will always love country music...and I'm a Republican and 2. A Ghetto Mix. Now, you are probably wondering what constitutes a "Ghetto Mix." Well, before everyone flips on their hoodies, a "Ghetto Mix" to me usually means music that I have never heard of or only heard pulsing in the background of the gym. Or in other words, this is the mix that makes me laugh out loud. Honestly, this stuff is hilarious.

For starters, the names of these "artists" are all spelled liked how I used to write letters to my Mom: "Mom, I lerned alot in skuul my frends r niss I playd ball and I luv u." (Yes, I was clearly just as articulate as I am now.) Seriously, here are a few of the names: Trey Songz, Wiz Khalifa, Tyga and Youngbloodz...what? When was it decided that a "z" made your name way cooler? If that's the case then I'm definitely naming our girl Madisonz. Are you messing with that kid on the playground? Didn't think so.

Second of all, the songs....oh, the songs. Sure, country music sings about pick-up trucks, loving country and God, but these songs. Wow. Here's a little sampling:

Black stripe, yellow paint
Them n-ggas scared of it, but them ho's ain't
Soon as I hit the club look at them ho's face
Hit the pedal, make the floor shake
Suede inside, engine roaring
It’s the big boy you know what I pay for it
And I got the pedal to the metal
Got you n-ggas checking game I’m balling out on every level
Hear them haters talk but there’s nothing you can tell em
Just made a million, got another million on my schedule
No love for em n-gga breaking hearts
No keys, push the start...

Did you stop reading at "make the floor shake?" Because that's when I started to laugh. What in the world is this guy talking about? Honestly, this song makes Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" seem like pure poetry.

And lastly, I must ask, because I'm 33 and becoming way too old for this "kid music" are any, and I mean any, of these songs going to be around in say two years? Is there anyone out there in this world who are going to play these songs in twenty years for their children and say, "Now, that's when music was good." Will this be said as he calls his daughter a "ho" and encourages her to bring some Benjamins so then can go shoppin'? Too far? Did I mention I just turned 33?

I'm old.

Did I mention I turned 33? Sorry, I'll take my vitamins and go to bed.