I must admit I've been putting off this post for quite a while...but here's the deal: I'm pregnant. Yep, totally knocked up. Currently, I'm almost 19 1/2 weeks. Before I was pregnant, I didn't understand why women insisted on calculating their birth in weeks. It sort of annoyed me that somehow the rest of us had to sit there, feign excitement and quickly do math so we could reply, "Oh, so you are basically five months along?" But, here I am.
So, what are my current thoughts on gaining weight and having an alien inside me? Funny you ask.
Well, here's the fears:
1. People will stop touching my bulging stomach AFTER I have the kid. How will people greet me?
2. I will find maternity clothes incredibly comfortable and be that girl who still wears the large elastic jeans. (Alright, I'll admit I was told of a little secret of a rubber band being looped between your jean's button hole to allow for a little more room...and I sort of love it. I might be continuing this process for...the rest of my life.)
3. This blog will only contain pictures of my child in the bathtub, eating food and looking adorable. Oh wait...was that your fear?
4. My husband will be severely disappointed when my enlarged melons actually go back to their solid A status. I've tried to prepare him with balloons slowly losing their air, but I don't think he's getting the message.
5. Watching The Good Wife (What? I'm pregnant.*) for three weeks straight will actually cause developmental problems with my future child.
6. My child will secretly love all CBS shows.
7. I will start listening to crappy baby music in the car, speaking like a moron and walking around with spit on my shoulder without even caring.
8. My dislike of all vegetables and crazy cravings of In and Out will continue and lead me down a path of morbid obesity...which will then lead me to the Biggest Loser and I'll be seen by millions of people crying on a treadmill.
9. I will never have the courage to answer, when some stranger asks me, "Are you expecting?" with, "Um, no...what are you talking about? I'm just big boned."
10. My mom will take my baby. She's slightly excited about this development.
Well, that's about it. I'm pregnant. High fives around.
* This excuse seems to be working for everything.