I think this woman is pregnant...
I think as a pregnant woman I've been pretty good. I haven't just
broken down into tears (this week) no, just kidding, I haven't craved
pickles and ice cream or have I been on the internets all day looking
through names, strollers and other crap like that. (Yes, I realize I'm
going to have to come to terms with all those things.) But, the other
day, I got to admit, I sort of had a "pregnant moment."
on Saturday the husband and I traveled up to the valley to play a round
of golf. (No, the stomach isn't getting in the way, and the extra
boobage has actually helped my short game because it forces my arms to
hold onto something.) Too much? Anyway, we were having a great day,
only three expletives had been used, when we got stopped at the 16th
hole. In front of us were, how do you say, was a group of complete
white trash. First, the foursome had a "gentleman" wearing a tank top,
cut off shorts and green Converses. His drive typically went about ten
yards and his club went about fifteen...well, after screaming the "f"
word. His partner, who wore a Taylormade hat, which obviously makes you
an expert at golf, usually hit about six balls off the tee, all
followed by a scream and some promise to his white trash buddies that he
was actually better than this. There's was a chick, who between smoke
breaks would hit the ball a foot and then wait about ten minutes, and
then there was one guy, who I think actually knew how to play, but was
being held hostage for information on his kidnapped wife. I'm not
exactly sure. Anyway, after waiting about twenty minutes for them to
finish the hole, we rushed through our turn in order for them to allow
us to play through. However, as we waited, which apparently you have to
do in golf, for them to say we could play through, they just ignored us
and drove off.
At that moment this insane rage came
over me. I felt like the Hulk and all I wanted to do was drive over to
them, kick them in their faces and drive their balls (golf) down their
throats. I honestly could not calm down. As I stomped around, throwing
my hands up in the air and screaming about how selfish and white trash
they were, my husband tried to remain calm. Sure, he was mad, but my
display of out of control anger, he later told me, sort of made him fear
for his life. Consequently, the poor guy tried to say, "Hey, it's
alright. They'll be done in a minute. You don't need to go crazy."
Did he just say "crazy?" The only crazy person was the guy calling a
pregnant woman crazy, who held onto a golf club in a shaking hand.
Eventually, we decided to just leave because I was truly about to kill someone.
Dear white trash folks at Woodley Lakes Golf Course,