Thursday, July 15, 2010

Satan's Minions

Today, at work, we were blessed with a splendid surprise of the Health Department. I understand they're doing a job, and I don't want to eat at a restaurant that allows rats to roam freely, but COME ON! Honestly, they are without a doubt, some of the meanest people I've ever seen. I would not be surprised if they left work and then beat up puppies, ran over babies and stole heart medications from elderly people. These people are mean.

Today, our anal retentive Health Department representative was especially mean. Why? Well, I'm guessing for two reasons. One, she lives in a world full of germs, diseases and potentially threatening foods. Which consequently, if you'll allow me to theorize, has most likely driven her to create phobias about things the normal person doesn't even know about, which obviously, has caused her to ostracize herself from society, which in turn has made her crazy, which means she isn't getting any, which means she's constantly sexually frustrated, but terrified of human touch because they might have placed their hand on a surface that once held a raw piece of chicken, which leads her to wake up in the morning and punish everyone in sight.

Theory two, would be a toss up between - her parents beat her as a child with a dirty spoon - OR - she has a ridiculous vendetta against us because a few weeks ago we were giving FREE, yes I said FREE, food away to a bunch of veterans at an event and we didn't have a SNEEZE GUARD over our muffins. I know, we are plain reckless. She wrote up a citation for our debauchery, we argued a little bit about it, and then the monster came out.

I suppose the only justice to this entire story is that even though we had to dump out our entire ice machine and buckets of salsa, that were made yesterday, is that this woman works for the Health Department, which means she most likely has no friends and her boss is Satan. In the grand scheme of things, I think we still come out on top.

1 comment:

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