The "Break Room"

A few weeks ago my place of work instituted the "break room." Now, instead of enjoying a meal in our hip dining room, we have to take our break in an empty room next door. At first, I thought this sounded like a great addition to my workday. I figured I would take my bowl of cereal, sit up to a quiet table, pull out my book and enjoy some peace and quiet. Little did I know that this room was going to be anything but peaceful. First of all, this room is quiet, which means any sound made echoes through its walls. Therefore, and I hope SOMEONE is reading this from work, if an individual orders, say...NACHOS, at nine in the morning, you are going to hear every freaking chip break in their mouth and every swallow of the coke to wash it down.

Second of all, before we instituted this mandatory Chinese torture, we really should have had an etiquette class on the following: chewing with your mouth open, breathing while you are chewing, using your hands as utensils, answering your phone while you have a mouth full of food and snoring after your meal. I really think had we gone over these things this room could have actually been a "break" room. Now, it's become the room from hell.

You think I'm exaggerating? Okay tough guy, next time you sit up to a meal picture this: A guy walks in with a plate full of eggs, chips, cheese and whatever else he got his buddy to throw on his plate. As you quietly eat your meal he proceeds to shovel (yes, this would be the appropriate verb, since he really isn't chewing and his hands are forming a cup) food into his mouth, and just when you think it can't get any worse you notice he actually has sour cream all over his cheeks and chin. Desperately, you look around for a napkin, but all you see is a pile of newspapers. From the newspapers you check back to your dining companion and realize he has used the back of his hand, and oh wait for it, yep, that was a good sounding burp. Are you getting an apology for this ghastly dining faux pas? Absolutely not.

When you can picture that and not get slightly nauseous, well then, you just might be ready for the "break room."