Last Monday night my mom and I traveled downtown to see a taping of America's Got Talent. For those of you who have never seen this show let me first say, congratulations and keep up the good work. You are successfully leading a fruitful life. No, seriously they have got to come up with a new name for this show. Something like: America Scraped And Found These People Who Were Willing to Do Anything, Even Appear a notch above a crazed Monkey, In Order to Be On TV for 2 Minutes. OR America Is Really Good At A Lot of Stuff But We Can't Get those People To Be On this Show So Here Are Some Other People Who You Can Laugh At. OR America's Show of People To Help You Realize That You Aren't As Depressing and Pathetic As You Think. Something other than America's Got Talent!!
Sorry. I know what you are thinking - Where does all this rage come from? Well, tell me to "cooperate and get ready for bed" and you will see the root of the monster. No, I kid. Milton (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) - that was for you.
No, this disdain for America's Got Talent comes from that fact that after three hours of sitting in a cold theater all I saw was this:
1. A deranged woman yanking a small horse up onto its hind legs and forcing it to make small circles, while wearing a princess outfit and pink shoes. I don't know what was worse - the animal cruelty or the fact that the horse laid a deuce on the stage during rehearsal.
2. A ventriloquist, who moved his mouth when speaking for the dummy. I guess he missed the part where he is supposed to keep his mouth shut and the dummy and him aren't supposed to sound the SAME.
3. A woman who sang opera while a bored looking guy played the electric guitar. I didn't know what to look at: the girl screaming into the microphone or the guy strumming along with absolute no commitment to the performance. Come on this is TV...you got to bring your "A game."
4. And last but not least, a husband and wife doing a tap dance on a step exercise box. Unfortunately, the only cool part was the full man leotard the husband was wearing and the obvious sham marriage between the both of them. (Come to think of it, maybe the act was for us to believe a man wearing a leotard was happily married to a straight woman.)