On Saturday, I decided to do a little spring cleaning and donate a bunch of our finest crap to our local Goodwill. So, while the baby was sleeping off her three day fever, I loaded up the car with clothes, shoes, a duvet cover and a baby swing...and off I went to save the world. As I pulled up to the Goodwill location, which was just a large trailer from a 18 wheeler truck in the middle of a deserted parking lot, I wondered if this was just some scam to collect crap and then hold a giant yard sale at some other location. However, on further investigation, I saw a man with a clipboard - and let's be honest, if you have a clipboard you aren't running a scam...holding a pamphlet entitled "Green Peace," then you are running a scam. (Oh, BURN!)
Anyway, before I left, I brought out my last item: the baby swing. This is where he lost it. I wish I could have taken a picture of him while I walked over with it. First, he looked like I had just pulled out two severed arms from a corpse out of my trunk and was asking, "Do you think anyone could use these?" And then when I attempted to hand him the swing, you would have thought I was asking him to hold my urine sample. Immediately, he held his hands up and asked, "Now, what is that?!" For a second I thought about saying, "It's a dream catcher used by the Aztecs," but decided to go with the, "Mom, hold on, I'm at the Goodwill...it's a baby swing." (Yes, I was still on the phone! My mom had been on a trip for 2 1/2 weeks, we were catching up.) After a few seconds of him stammering and muttering to himself, he took my swing and proceeded to throw it, yes, folks, throw it onto the truck. If I wasn't in the middle of a phone call I would have...okay, probably nothing, but still.
So, word to the wise, if you are thinking about donating something to the Goodwill, make sure you fully understand their motto of: "Donate to us what you would give to a friend" because apparently their definition of a "friend" is someone who wants only new clothes, is in no need of warmth and hates babies. Hates, hates babies.