Not so Much "Goodwill"

On Saturday, I decided to do a little spring cleaning and donate a bunch of our finest crap to our local Goodwill.  So, while the baby was sleeping off her three day fever, I loaded up the car with clothes, shoes, a duvet cover and a baby swing...and off I went to save the world.  As I pulled up to the Goodwill location, which was just a large trailer from a 18 wheeler truck in the middle of a deserted parking lot, I wondered if this was just some scam to collect crap and then hold a giant yard sale at some other location.  However, on further investigation, I saw a man with a clipboard - and let's be honest, if you have a clipboard you aren't running a scam...holding a pamphlet entitled "Green Peace," then you are running a scam.  (Oh, BURN!)

Anyway, I walked up to the Goodwill employee with a garbage bag filled with clothes and he said, with a disgusted face, "Are those clothes?"  I said yes, and he said, "Um, I guess we can take those."  What?  You guess?  Since when did the Goodwill become a snobby thrift store in L.A.?  Then I came back with the duvet cover and blanket.  (What, I was on my phone the entire time - I had to make a few trips.)  And while he was grabbing them, he said, "What now?  Oh geez, we don't take everything!"  I'm sorry are we not familiar with: "Beggars can't be choosers?"  And, you don't take everything? What, was I trying to donate my baby dressed in a giant hot dog costume?  I was handing over blankets - you know blankets, something people use to warm themselves...outside...when sleeping on the streets...alone...with no homes...because they are poor....too much? 

Anyway, before I left, I brought out my last item: the baby swing.  This is where he lost it.  I wish I could have taken a picture of him while I walked over with it.  First, he looked like I had just pulled out two severed arms from a corpse out of my trunk and was asking, "Do you think anyone could use these?"  And then when I attempted to hand him the swing, you would have thought I was asking him to hold my urine sample.  Immediately, he held his hands up and asked, "Now, what is that?!"  For a second I thought about saying, "It's a dream catcher used by the Aztecs," but decided to go with the, "Mom, hold on, I'm at the Goodwill...it's a baby swing."  (Yes, I was still on the phone!  My mom had been on a trip for 2 1/2 weeks, we were catching up.)  After a few seconds of him stammering and muttering to himself, he took my swing and proceeded to throw it, yes, folks, throw it onto the truck.  If I wasn't in the middle of a phone call I would have...okay, probably nothing, but still.

So, word to the wise, if you are thinking about donating something to the Goodwill, make sure you fully understand their motto of: "Donate to us what you would give to a friend" because apparently their definition of a "friend" is someone who wants only new clothes, is in no need of warmth and hates babies.  Hates, hates babies.