Wednesday, June 12, 2013

It's Not a Leash, It's A Lion!

Yesterday, I was out walking the little one in my new BOB stroller.  (Which I pretty much nailed getting off Craigslist.  How good did I do?  Well, first I sold my crappy "non-running" stroller for $200.00, then I found a BOB, that had been on Craigslist for a few weeks, headed over, gave an offer below asking price and shoved the stroller into the car before the guy could call his recently divorced wife to see if she was okay with the low ball offer.  Again...nailed it.  As I drove off, I'll admit I felt a little bad for swindling this poor divorced dad, but hey, that's the cycle of selling on good ol' Craigslist.)

Anyway, as I was out, sort of looking over my shoulder for the divorced dad, who would most likely be tracking me down for virtually stealing his stroller, I noticed a child, probably three years old, being walked by his father in a monkey harness.  Now, I'm not one to seriously, can we discuss this?

First of all, to the company that makes these contraptions - disguising these harnesses as lions, monkeys and dogs doesn't negate, or mask the fact, that you have built an apparatus to control your child much like reins on a horse, yokes on cattle and leashes on dogs. Seriously, what was the creative meeting like on these things? Did someone stand up and say, "Honestly, if we make them look like a fun dog with long arms no one will notice a child is being led through the mall like inmate #11432."

Second of all, what did that kid do that warranted this straight jacket in the middle of suburbia?  Did he feed too much to the ducks?  Did he stop and smell too many flowers?  Did he fall behind as the family of four gently walked the circular path around the lake?  Seriously, when I walked past this kid the only thing going on in his head was, "Hey nice looking woman, with that brand new BOB, do you know the number for Children Protective Services?"

And lastly, parents if you are going to use these animal harnesses, please don't make the kid walk with actual leashed dogs.  I mean, come on, what are you teaching this kid?  Before you know it he'll be picking up his own poop in plastic bags and asking for his belly to be scratched just so he can get some attention.

I've only been a parent for nine months, but there's got to be a better way.  Drugs, maybe?


Rachel said...

When you have a kid that starts running away from you in public/dangerous places, you might rethink this and end up with a leash yourself. Strollers in crowded places, with a hyperactive toddler, not so much. So I think someone was like, better to embarrass ourselves than lose our child!

I never got one. Well, until we were taking a two year old to Disneyland, and I'll admit I was a little terrified he'd be kidnapped, get lost in the crowd or just bolt for it. So, I confess that we tried it. First, oh 20 seconds, he took a run for it, made it as far as the leash would take him, his body snapped backwards and then he tripped on his face. It took me a couple minutes, but I decided I would struggle with him for the next 6 hours, give shoulder rides and take 5 million breaks...than worry over him breaking his face. Inside, I was relieved, because I knew we were getting the looks...I was giving myself the looks! But when your child starts bolting, it can terrify you and move you to do the most ungodly things.

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trimbles said...

Dont knock it till you try it. I had 3 of them. Saved my life. :)

Kristin Smith said...

We used one for Wyatt when he was 2 at SeaWorld. When they are both fast and little, it can be terrifying. And I'm not easily terrified.