At The Car Wash

The other day I went to get my car washed...because I wanted to make sure it was ready to be driven in the rain the following day...come on Southern California!...anyway, as I sat there watching some poor guy attempt to scrap off every bug from my windshield, that had sort of melted on since my drive from St. George four weeks ago, I watched a very nice Lexus pull up to be washed.  At first it appeared to be a normal drop off from a normal customer, until the Lexus came out of the wash and was being prepared to be dried by some workers.  As soon as the dry towels had been thrown on the hood, the owner of the Lexus, a woman wearing cowboy boots, a lot of diamonds and a pen holding up her mess of hair (For some reason I never trust anyone, who uses a pen to tie up their hair.  One, it's literally voodoo magic that actually causes this to work.  Don't believe me?  Go find a pen and try it.  It's impossible that one twist of the hair and some four inch long stick will hold it up.  I won't believe it.  And two...well, I don't have a second reason.  Just more of the first.  I'm telling you it's not right.)

Anyway, as I was saying, as soon as the Lexus came out of the wash this confirmed witch lady immediately walked over to the car and proceeded to dry her own car and order the poor man, who's actual job is to dry the car, what to do.  Now, I know what you are thinking...if she's a witch and has the capability of voodoo magic why is she having a normal human dry her car?  Why not construct some type of potion?  Good question, but not where I was going with this.  My questions are these:

1. What has happened in the past to make you so distrustful of the car wash?  Did you once come and realize, once you got home, that instead of drying your car, human feces had been rubbed all over the back? Or did you find out that with "special customers" sometimes car washes insert razor blades into the towels in order to actually scratch the car and not dry it?  Or are you just completely paranoid? 

2. Was your goal not to actually get your car washed, but to come to some type of business and boss someone around?  Was the dentist not listening to you when you kept screaming out, "Re-check that right molar for gingivitis and don't go with that tool, use a bigger Wedelstaedt on anterior for class 3 and 5!"

3. Or has it always been your fantasy to be some scantily dressed woman, soaked in water, sitting on top of a Trans Am for some Warrant music video that drives, no compels, you to pick up wet towels and hum, "She's my cherry pie..." while you go back and forth across the hood of your car? 

Is that one a stretch?  I felt like I was getting a really good vibe of  "yes" on that one.

Alright lady, just take the pen out slowly, and without any of that voodoo magic, just write your answer down.