Thursday, April 18, 2013

Inside My Studio

Have you ever seen the show on Bravo called "Inside the Actors Studio?"  (What?  I've got literally three things to choose from to blog about.  1. Baby one wants to hear about that.  2. Baby not eating...again, no one should want to hear about that.  And 3. TV.  Why TV?  Because that's what I do during the day.  Yes, I watch TV.  Sure, I could read, and learn something, but while you are breastfeeding a baby you've got two options ((What, what, what parentheses inside parentheses!  You are going to get a lot of lists this entry so just buck up and deal with it.))  One, you can watch TV or attempt to hide a book from your "exploring child."  I choose TV.)  I agree with you reader, that went on way too long.

Anyway, there's a show on Bravo called Inside the Actors Studio, where an actor comes on the show and is interviewed by James Lipton, who apparently employes the FBI and CIA to accumulate mountains of cards of information, that will be used to shock and strike up nostalgic memories by these overpaid actors.  Honestly, without fail he'll be like, "Now, your pre-school teacher Mrs. Hillard told us you once said, 'I'm going to win an Oscar.'  Is that true?"  To which the actor will exclaim, "I did say that.  How did you ever find that?"  Oh, James Lipton - why don't you put your detective skills to good use and find out if the Loch Ness Monster is real or not.  (Or something else.  It's not like I'm curious about some lake dwelling, mystical creature.)

Now, it sounds like I'm mocking this show.  I'm not. I actually love it.  I love the talk of "craft," and inspiration and trying to make it sound like their nude scene with a horse was revolutionary. I love it all.  However, my favorite part is at the end Lipton will end with a questionnaire originated by French TV personality Bernard Pivot with which every actor tries to answer in the most Oscar nominated sort of way.  Here's my best attempt...currently as a stay at home mom:

What is your favorite word?
    • "Puss" -  It has somehow become our nickname for the little one.  It's obviously short for stinkerpuss.
What is your least favorite word?
    • Prepubescent - I have always hated that word. And it has to have the "pre" in front of it.  My mom used to use it to describe my prepubescent weight gain before I hit 10 and started to become a woman.  Yeah, you read that right...10. 
What turns you on?
    •  8 hours of sleep and someone else cleaning up dinner.  They call me "the most Romantic Person" behind my back. 
What Turns You Off?
    •  House Hunters International on HGTV
What sound or noise do you love?
    • My stinkerpuss laughing.  There is absolutely nothing in the whole world better.  Nothing...and I'll fight you if you think otherwise.
 What sound or noise do you hate?
    • The sound of someone farting.  I know it's normal and it times necessary, but...
Favorite curse word?
    • Depends.  If I'm describing someone it's: #sshat.  If I'm happy and excited it's sh*tballs!  If I'm mad than it's gosh dangit.  No, seriously, it's gosh dangit.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    • A stunt person.  I think it would be pretty awesome to jump out of buildings, get beaten up by Jackie Chan, and ride a motorcycle as Angelina Jolie.
What profession would you not like to do?
    • A realtor on House Hunters.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
    • "Kate, I can now tell you two things, one, where dinosaurs came from and that 'Heaven TiVo*' does indeed exist."
*I've always believed Heaven is one big TiVo you get to look through of your life. I also believe during these viewings I will be able to prove to the husband that I did indeed tell him to pick up extra milk on May 2, 2008, and that I told him I loved him first.  


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