Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Who Needs a Therapist I Have My Schnoodle

A couple of days ago I sent my resume to a job posting on  Because of past experience I'm a little nervous to see what this job will really entail.  (Should I be worried when it said you need to have a background in refereeing wet t-shirt contests?)  

Anyway, the reason for my distrust is because of the worst job I ever had for three days.  I had just finished a job with the United Way of Salt Lake - which totally reminds me of the funniest experience of my life.  (See next entry for that story)  ANNNYWAAYY...I decided to go online and try to find another job.  I came across this "marketing" position and thought, "Hey, I was once a missionary and have an outstanding sense of humor - this would be perfect!"  So, like a total moron I sent my resume and within an hour I had a call from some gum chomping girl telling me to come in for an interview.  I should have known then that this was going to be an utter disaster, but I was only six months off the mission and still had that angelic belief in everyone and everything, so I went to the interview.  After fifteen minutes I was hired. Again, that should have been a clue for me to walk.

The next day I went to Ogden with a girl named Lauren who smoked the entire way and told me the objectives of the "company."  (Looking back I don't think any salesmen in the world had ever received such an extensive training.)  After inhaling an hour of second hand smoke, and trying to follow the AT&T deals we would be selling to the eager residents of Ogden, we arrived at our first business.  Sheepishly, I followed Lauren into some Feed and Grain store and watched her try to convince the owner to switch to AT&T with her chest.  Unfortunately, he declined, and the day followed much the same.  I think we visited almost every business in Ogden and only two suckers made the switch.  After a couple of hours, Lauren made me make the pitch, and I have to admit, I have never hated myself more.  If you ever want to feel demoralized, drive up to Ogden, go to a pet store on Main Street and ask them about their phone service.  A lady with a t-shirt that says, "Who Needs a Therapist I Have My Schnoodle" will tell you what a disgraceful person YOU are and how you need to leave.  

After being berated by the dog loving lunatic, we again lit up and headed back to the "offices."  What happened next is still a little hard for me talk about because, after five years, I'm still utterly embarrassed I was in the same room with these people.  All the "trainees" and their "trainers" got in a circle.  Then everyone had to go around and say how many sells they made.  The one with the most sells, not only got to wear a viking helmet, but also got to bang the African bell.  Once the bell was rung, someone would turn on music and everyone would dance.  Looking back I wish I had just sprinted for the door, but instead, like a total masochist I went back the next day.  Don't ask why.  I think it was my "You Can Do It" attitude.  Oh, to be 23 again.

The next day was much the same, only I went to North Salt Lake with my "trainer," and this time, a furniture store owner yelled at me.  (Again, I don't know why I didn't just run my car off the road or stick a fork in my eye.)

Finally, I finished by "training" and the third day I was sent off by myself.  By ten in the morning, I was completely defeated and sick of apologizing for being a saleswoman.  By eleven, I had eaten my lunch and read a magazine at the local gas station.  And by twelve, I was on the phone with my brother crying.  He told me to get in my car and go home.  He said this "company" was absolutely pathetic and I could do better.  I finally had to agree.  

So, I'm a little nervous.  Hopefully, two things will happen.  1. the internet won't let me down this time.  AND 2. I'll realize the job is a joke at the interview and not while I'm crying in some empty parking lot.

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