When I got back from Mongolia I scored an awesome job with The United Way. "Awesome" because, while at the United Way, I read all the Harry Potter books, surfed the internet and occasionally worked. My prestigious work title was Executive Manager. Basically, I had to manage individual fund-raising accounts for over 50 different businesses. This meant I had to meet with each business, give a presentation on The United Way and collect the checks. For three months I traveled around Salt Lake informing companies about the rising number of homeless people and the lack of shelters for battered women. Speech after speech, I encouraged people to donate and help these destitute people.
One day while coming back from a presentation I was driving the United Way car. This car was donated by one of the companies on the board, and was completely decked out in United Way decal. I'm talking United Way symbol across the hood of the car, people's faces along the doors and the mission statement on the back window. Completely decked out.
Anyway, as I was approaching an intersection I saw a homeless man, who was carrying a large garbage bag over his shoulder, jay walking across the road I was about to cross. Trying to be helpful, I honked at him and pointed to my green light. As I passed him, he hawked the biggest pool of phlegm through my window and onto me. Now, as gross as this story is, I can't help but laugh at the absurd irony of the experience. Here I am out trying to help this guy get dinner and some shelter, and what does he do? He spits on me.