Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Just Give It to Me Albertsons
Anyway, this constant stroll through my 2004 iPod was going great until the other day when I heard an artist, who I had just seen two years ago, and who I thought, was pretty cool and upcoming, blaring through the frozen section. Immediately, I stopped and realized, it's happened. My music isn't cool anymore. I'm not cutting edge. I'm not hip, in the know or whatever slang word kids are saying these days. Crap, I just said, "kids these days." And then, right there, while holding a cold bag of frozen carrots, I had it - the quasi-midlife-oh sh#t-when did I stop being cool moment. Quickly, I started to think, and realized the fact that I was excited the frozen carrots were on sale AND were the round shape ones, was probably a good indicator that I was probably on the not cool road for longer than I had first thought. And then I remembered watching the Grammy's for two seconds and heard myself say, "That Miley should really put some clothes on..." and "...who are all these people?" How did I not see the signs? Do I tweet? No. Did I vote for Obama? No again! Ah. Do I have savings in my bank account? I do. No cool, young, hip person has savings? Who makes a joke about a savings account? Not cool people - I say. Who tries to sound like a town squire at the end of a joke? Do I stay up late? No, and not because I'm tired, but because I read that people who sleep 7-8 hours a night are less likely to get Alzheimer Disease. Who cares about being senile and forgetful? MEEE! Can I name all the members of One Direction, do I wear heels out to dinner, have I seen a movie in a movie theater in the last year, do I joke about flossing - NO, NO, NO, NO.
That's it. I give up. Albertson's - you got me. Go ahead play my tunes and don't laugh when I sing along. This is my coolness going away party.