Monday, March 17, 2014

Captain Hook Tattoo Is NOT Cool

I'll probably get in trouble with this post, but hey, I haven't written in weeks, so chances are I'll most likely be offending my mom and a friend, who by accident clicks on my blog to see if it had finally been shut down.

So, here's the deal.  I've been to Disneyland a lot lately.  And you know what I see at Disneyland?  (Well, besides the crazy Disney people, who wait in line for Little Mermaid, EVEN THOUGH, they don't have children with them.  Seriously, adults, why are you going through a ride that features creepy animatronics and the story of voiceless mermaid, who has a serious kleptomania problem.  "...look at my stuff, isn't it neat...I stole it from people..."  I sometimes want to turn to them and ask, "So, do you also seek counseling for creeping around playgrounds?")

Okay, okay I got off topic there, but crazy Disney people is something I've wanted to touch on, but I know it will offend, so we'll move on.  No, in my Disney trips, I've been seeing a mass of people, and with these masses of people, I've been noticing massive amounts of terrible, just terrible tattoos.  People let's talk this out...granted I don't actually have any tattoos, but I do have good judgment, and that's what I want to talk about today.

Okay, first of all, I get it, you love Disney.  Since you were a kid it was a magical escape from your parents' broken marriage and all the moving around from one foster home to the next, but come on, do you really need to tattoo Disney crap on your body?  On your forty plus year old body?  No.  No, there's no need for the Tinker Bell, the Mickey Mouse ears or Captain Hook's hook - which by the way, doesn't fall under the "okay category" because Captain Hook is supposed to be "bad."  He's still a cartoon character, and let's be honest, if he is still afraid of a crocodile and a flying boy with a dagger, then he's not really "bad" either.

My second issue, and I would really like to take this poll right after the other Disney poll of, "Why are you here on March 1?  Do you not work?  Have you stolen these children?  Why have you all decided to come here on a Tuesday, when us moms, who don't work and who live down the street, have decided to come here?"  Sorry...oh yes, my first poll.  What was the original idea for this tattoo?  Were you talked into putting it across your chest and falling into your sagging breast area?  Is this tattoo for safety reasons?  I mean, was your idea to put the most ridiculous tattoo on your body so that if your body is ever found on the side of the road or at sea, your family members, though begrudgingly and slightly embarrassed, will have no choice but to immediately recognize and identify you?  Do you hate yourself?  Did you hate yourself when you received this?  Did you pay for this?  Was this a dare?  Great....thanks for your time.  (Me, giving the poll.)

My last issue is for the kids.  I feel for the kids who have to walk around with Dad and his coyote-howling-moon-barb-wired tattoo.  I bet her friends call him "coyote man" and not because they think he's cool.  Or, I wonder how much food could have been on the table had Mom not gotten those floating dolphins she's always wanted on her entire back.  Poor kids.

Listen, if tattoos are done right - I'm a fan.  But, from what I seen, those individuals don't frequent Disneyland.  (Does that disclaimer protect me from offending someone?)

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