Monday, September 9, 2013

The Family Hog Or You

This weekend I will freely admit that the husband, baby and myself did a lot of football watching.  A lot.  So much so that I find myself checking for imaginary time clocks before I shout, "hike" and yank open the refrigerator and dishwasher.  Get it?  No?  Stupid female readership.

Anyway, while we were allowing the TV to parent our child for the weekend, a ridiculous commercial kept playing between time outs.  The commercial was advertising a dating site entitled:  According to the commercial, made by actual farmers with a camcorder, this is a real dating site where lonely farmers can meet women, who want to live on a farm, alone, with a lonely farmer, who decided kissing the farm hog was probably bordering on "wrong", and thought a real woman might be a better idea.

After seeing this commercial for the fifth time, and wondering if the lack of Cialis commercials means ED has finally been cured once and for all, I decided to check out this site.  (Sure they say, "City Folks Won't Understand," but I grew up in rural Pennsylvania.  My last name is Hick.  Get it?  That's what the title of my blog means?!!!  Anyway, I'm basically one step away from being a complete hillbilly.)

So, while the husband was throwing some food at my child, I looked into this dating hook up, and man, good thing I'm spoken for because ladies, ladies, ladies...are you looking for a creepy 70 plus year old man, who likes wearing suspenders and truly decided "INTHERUTT" was a good username?  "In The Rutt."  (Insert way too easy joke about bestiality here.)  As I scanned "my matches" (determined through a very extensive algorithm based on my email address) I kept thinking, "There's no way this is real."  Honestly, these guys looked like a cross between a "Lonely Grandpa website," and a not so secret anymore sex offender registry.

And now for the bad news...oh wait, I think I covered that.

So, here's what I'm taking away from this little exercise.  One, bring back the awkward commercials of men painting rooms and doing dishes with women, where you get to actually see Cialis kicking in based on their expressions.  Cialis and football should always go hand in hand.  Two, If you are looking to be called "Ma" and work 15 hours a day shoveling horse manure, there just might be a site for you.  And if you are looking to see if there are any sex offenders in your rural neighborhood, there just might be a site for you.  And three, do you think my husband would understand if I just sent a "flirt" to "INTHERUTT?"

If you were offended by the hog kissing comment please click on that "Top Mommy" Icon.  She'll understand.

1 comment:

SkippyMom said...

"Stupid female readership."

Okay, I got the "hike" joke and I am starting to feel it might have been a good thing to be without internet for a few weeks while we moved.

I know you are kidding, but could you give us SOME credit? Wow.

Or did I miss the poll that named you the only female watching human in the US? ::wink::