Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Don't Move A Muscle

Well it's official - we are back from Hawaii and my baby was not thrown off the plane for making a ruckus.  I would say that definitely calls for high fives all around.

So, what have I learned from traveling with a little one?

1.  Vacations are no longer big adventures of hiking, exploring and laying on the beach. No, they consist of seeing the sun rise, asleep before nine and taking turns watching a baby while you begrudgingly say, "No, I'll stay in this sand filled hotel room.  Please, go outside and sit by the pool.  No, really, vacation is about catching up on Judge Judy."

2. You know those guys who stand for hours pretending to be statues?  You've seen them, orrrrr maybe you haven't.  Anyway, I now have a great and deep admiration for these hardworking freaks of nature.  Why?  Because after traveling for five hours on a plane you'll do anything to get your baby to sleep.  So, there I sat with a sweet and sleeping baby resting in my two arms that were slowly losing blood flow and causing an old dislocated shoulder from college to flair up again.  As I quietly tried to adjust, relief came, but was quickly replaced with a left butt cheek going to sleep faster than my baby, and my neck slipping into a muscle spasm.  "Why was this happening?!" I wanted to scream, but as I went to take a deep breath, she moved.  Immediately, I froze and as she slipped back into her happy oblivion, I realized I had committed the cardinal sin of holding a sleeping baby - I HAD CROSSED MY LEGS.  How could I make such a rookie move?  I had twenty, maybe 14 seconds before my entire leg was going to go numb.  Panicked I checked to see how asleep my baby was.  Could she stay awake as I moved my leg? Was it worth the risk?  Answer comes in two parts:  1. You are an idiot.  2. No.

So, for future parents, who are looking to travel with a 1 year old, have zero expectations for your vacation and two practice holding a sack of rice for hour without moving (have someone poke you and press on your bladder to really hone your skills.)

Oh, yes, we are still doing that Top Mommy Thing. Click it. Click it.  I'm #9 Yo!  Gracias for the help!


Jana said...

Parents also need to practice the death glare to the flight attendants to warn them that if they bring their little drinks carts by, they will then be carrying a crying cranky baby while serving drinks.

Jana said...

all the feelings from hick reunion 2011 came flooding back with this post.

Bunkin Mama said...

Oh my, thank you for the laugh! I have never compared holding a sleeping baby to the human statues, but it is spot on!