Keep The Madness Off The Car

Recently I traveled, by car, to St. George, Utah and the Grand Canyon.  And while I was driving these mind numbing roads, suppressing coughs and basic breathing (so the baby would continue to nap in the car) I began to notice some very interesting personalized license plate frames.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  The ones that read: I Would Rather Be Driving a Golf Ball. Get it?  Not driving a car but a golf ball?  Genius.  Now these kind of cheesy frames don't bother me because usually it's just some retired man's attempt to spruce up his Cadillac. It's all good Grandpa - drive on.

The ones that bother me fall under three categories:

1. The Princess License Frames

We've all seen these.  They are usually bedazzled with some rhinestones, colored in pink, and most likely placed on the car by some father or mother who was trying to passive aggressively tell their daughter how annoying they feel they've become.  While driving I saw one that read on the top: But, But, But...and on the bottom it read...I'm the Princess. And as I passed the car to give the obligatory stare of disgust, I saw a morbidly obese girl texting on her cell phone while driving with her knee.  Cinderella and Snow White eat your heart out.  Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous of these self-proclaimed Princesses.  I just wish that they would respect real royalty and be honest about themselves.  Maybe instead of saying, "Beware Here's Comes The Princess" they could be truthful and say, "Beware here comes a woman in her thirties, who still lives in a fantasy world where she thinks she should be treated like the most important person in the room."  I'm sure there's a website that could handle this order.

2. The Exaggerated Declarations

I get it.  You think you are a great Grandma or Aunt or whatever, but I don't need to see it on your car.  Because really #1 Grandma?  Really?  Who voted? I didn't vote.  How do I know you don't secretly lace your home cooked cookies with Vicodin?  Do you even have grandchildren?  And lastly, I just passed your car and there's a man driving it!  Now what? Does this license frame mean anything?  How can a man be the #1 Grandma??!

3. Are You Trying To Get Pulled Over

I'm not kidding when I say I saw these two license frames: 1. Drunk Guy Coming Through  and 2. The top had three Marijuana leafs on it and on the bottom it said I'm High.  Yep, an actual statement of "I'm High."  What's the end game here?  Are you promoting drunk driving?  Do you hate MADD?  Were you actually high when you placed this on your car?

So, people please give me a second.  I get it - it's tempting to place something on your car in order to distinguish yourself from all the other cars out there, but let's think about it first.  Sure you'll always find the car that reads: Do Not Disturb...I'm disturbed enough Already - but do you really want to be associated with the "crazy car" at work?  Well, actually you are probably just an unemployed blogger...never mind - bad example.