Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Are You A Waitress?

The other day I went to the bank to deposit about two weeks worth of tips. As I pulled out my wad of money, with almost 89 1 dollar bills included, the teller, AS ALWAYS, asked, "Are you a waitress?" Now, this is where I find myself in a joking quandary. Of course, I could just disregard the joke lob and nod my head and say, "Yep, just depositing the ol' tips," but who wants to hear that? I mean, these innocent tellers are basically begging for me to give them some fantastic responses. So, what am I to do? Disappoint my local tellers? Of course not.

The following are my favorite responses to give. (Remember readers I'm a 5"8, blue-eyed, blonde chick, who just learned about the song "Regulate" from her ghetto Fairfield friend last week.)

1. "Nope, not a waitress"...pause for a friendly chuckle..."Just the neighborhood drug dealer." Followed by asking them if they need anything for a "headache."

2. "You would think I'm a waitress, but actually I steal from collection jars around supermarkets and cafeterias." Followed by friendly chuckle and complete eye contact.

3. "Waitress? I wish. Actually, my husband gives me an allowance for cleaning the apartment, picking up his dry cleaning and cooking dinner. It's been a good month of work." Followed by uneasy chuckle and no eye contact.

4. "What did you say?!" "Yeah, whatever - just hurry up." Followed by looking over my shoulder and at all security cameras.

And lastly, my tried and true...
5. "A waitress? Almost right. I'm actually a stripper." Followed by pointing out a hundred dollar bill in the wad and saying, "He's a great customer."

Sadly, only #5 gets a laugh. What, don't I look like I could be a stripper? Geez Citibank....

2 comments:

SkippyMom said...

I got this all the time when I waitressed - and I proudly said "Yep!" Never bothered me. I guess they are just trying to make conversation.

And with a [barely:cough:] B cup I was NEVER mistaken for a stripper.

Anonymous said...

http://www.webshare.cc/blog/b/blog_view.php?mid=547194&id=146&show_bbslink=
http://ludhianacity.net/blog/57194/more-then-one-spyware-remover-is-one-to-many/
http://www.acdating.net/index.php?do=/blog/77203/sim-free-mobile-phones-enjoy-the-freedom/
http://xmyishang.exblog.jp/17225971
http://blog.qlep.com/blog.php/218220/718501
http://prsites.biz/myblog-admin/including-their-target-audience.html
http://www.hongboit.com/blog/space.php?uid=51830&do=blog&id=485107
http://heraldbulletin.neighborsink.com/node/247693
http://archive.remdublin.com/blog/huangshumei/2013/01/28/my-yahoo-search-beyond-bookmarks
http://prsites.biz/myblog-admin/first-things-first-its-a-jcb.html
http://xmyishang.exblog.jp/17225972
http://nen360.nenonline.org/blog/does-mean-end-spyware-we-know-it
http://17951501.at.webry.info/201301/article_34.html
http://sns.cam111.com/blogs/entry/There-are-umpteen-options-available-to-the-residents-of-UK-when-it-comes-to-mobile-connectivity
http://developinglinks.com/index.php?do=/blog/133975/having-too-many-spyware-removers-or-running-on-your-system-actually-could-b/