Tuesday, January 25, 2011

You Take Your Pants Off

Because of my current issue with not being able to create babies, I've been at the doctor's office quite a lot over the past two years. For those of you, who also frequent the doctor's office, you know that this is a strange place. It's strange because just when you are in the middle of a great article, in some magazine you would never buy (today I was completely fascinated by the benefits of breast pumps - did you know there is an actual magazine entitled Mom? Really, Mom? What marketing genius came up with that one? Probably the same company who brought us the thought provoking magazines entitled: Plants and Lamps.) I digress. What we were talking about? Oh yeah, so there you are engrossed in some bizarre magazine and then a nurse calls your name. Of course, you drop the magazine, thinking you are about to see the doctor, and then you find yourself in an empty room, on cold paper and nothing to read. I see ladies taking their magazines with them, but I always hope that, maybe just once, they'll be even cooler magazines in the room I'm going to. (So far I'm 0-11).

Second and definitely the strangest thing, is the whole, "Take off your pants and the doctor will be right in." Now, if I went out to dinner and the host said to me, "Just take off your pants and a waiter will be right out to take your order," I think I would find that a little strange. And yet, in a doctor's office this is completely normal. It's completely normal to be waste naked in front of a virtual stranger, who still calls you Katherine even though you have corrected them numerous times and encouraged them to call you Kate.* It's completely normal to shake someone's hand while you sit there waste naked. It's completely normal, after an exam, to remain waste naked and talk about the future. Waste naked isn't normal. Heck, it's not even the right phrase for it. And yet, I do it. I do it every time.

One of these days I'm taking a bundle of magazines into my exam room and I'm not taking off my pants unless someone else does. Well, not really. At least not until someone offers to buy me dinner.

*Even spoken in the third person to really drive the point home. For example, "So, then I said KATE, you just got to keep doing those shots."

6 comments:

Ru said...

So this is what I want to know about this situation. Why is it MORE awkward for patients to sit around with no pants (or clothes generally) on, waiting for the doctor, than it is for the doctor to walk in, say, "Why don't you drop your pants while I shuffle through my chart?" Yes, it's weird to undress in front of a stranger, but is it any weirder to sit around semi-naked waiting for a stranger who will inevitably show up late? I think not.

And it can't be a time saver, because it takes like 3 seconds to drop your pants. I am curious who came up with this protocol, because it's the same at every doctor's office I go to.

SkippyMom said...

I don't understand the term "waste naked" - Do you mean only from the waist down [waist naked] - or I am so old [and yes, I AM] that I haven't heard that term.

Because I really want to know what it is before I brave a doctor's office again.

We used to have to get completely, whole naked when we went to the OB/GYN. Wow.

I like waste/waist naked just great. Except I am sure it is still cold while you wait.

And I HATE when they don't knock. Please knock - PLEASE.

Ryan said...

What I find really bizarre are the patients who, when I come into the room, completely disrobe and essentially drop the gown to the floor. I think there is a small number that enjoys being examined stark naked by their MD. It's especially awkward though for me when they are only there for me to look at a skin lesion on their face...

Meg said...

damn, skippymom beat me to it. but yes, 'waste naked" sounds awful. but "waist naked" would be way more awkward. at least they didn't make you do that. :P

Rachel said...

LOL! this is an awesome post. You're killin' me, your blog needs to be famous. I love it!

amyhick said...

@ Ryan. Would like to know why I haven't heard about these naked patients before....