Monday, August 11, 2008
A Tenth of a Point
Last night Dan and I watched the preliminary round of gymnastics. After watching a few routines of puberty stunted girls, flip around and fall out of bounds I thought about a couple of things. 1. Who decided that turning children into muscle mutants would be a fun sport to watch? 2. How come they still have to end an even bad routine with their arms up in the air? Can't they just put their heads down in shame and walk away? 3. Shouldn't the US Gymnastics Association (USGA) send out a pamphlet right before the Olympics explaining what constitutes a "good" job vs. "bad job? I mean, in my estimation if they land on their two feet at some point after doing two twists, a flip and a cartwheel that should be "okay." 4. (This is really the thought I fixated on the most) How do the announcers do it for gymnastics? When initially a girl falls, they are completely silent and then they'll say something ghostly calm like, "Hmm...falling on her back and breaking her spine will definitely cost her a tenth of a point." I couldn't do it. If I saw a chick, bedazzled in a colorful leotard, falling to her death while trying to reach for an uneven bar, I would scream out something like, "Holy crap, I think she's going to die." Or "Son of B. Don't look America." Or make some semblance of sounds like, "Ca, Ca ga AHHH," while gripping the arm of my co-host. (That's basically what I do when I watch it with Dan) I just don't know how they stay so calm and callous.
Also, I would not only yell out things, but I would probably have to take it a step further. I would probably say something like, "Poor Chelsey. Did you know her parents sold their home, quit their jobs, put their other children up for adoption and moved to Texas so she could come to the Olympics? I wonder what they are thinking right now watching their child add more chalk to her hands after falling off the balance beam for the second time? I bet they are thinking, 'Yep, hon, it's just a little more chalk that's going to bring our home back.'" Too much? Okay, so I won't be calling the next gymnastics competition.