The Real Story of the Zoo

Recently, the baby and I visited the zoo for the first time.  I got to say going to the zoo as an adult is a completely different experience than when I used to go as a kid.  For example, when you are a kid all you see are the animals.  Real life Elephants?!  What?  Giraffes walking around like they got no where to be?  Kill me!  A baby seal with its momma?  Just tell me where to drop down and cry myself to sleep!  It's amazing.

However, when you are adult the scene dramatically changes.  All of the sudden the only things you see are depressing looking animals, who are confined to ridiculous small spaces, surrounded by their own feces, and who probably offer daily animal prayers that the zoo will one day blow up, or at least one child will get too close to the fence so they can feel like an animal once in their lives.  Honestly, the zoo bummed me out.  At one point, Avery and I watched two rhinos eat their breakfast from some zoo workers. As I watched these "wild" animals chomp down on apples, I thought I could hear the fainest conversation coming from them.  It went something like this:

Rhino #1 (Fred): Oh, awesome, not only do these stupid humans watch me sleep, walk in my five by ten space, but now they are filming me eat these stupid apples.

Rhino #2 (Martha): Honestly!  Hey, fat kid, how would you like me coming up to your table and point as juice runs down your mouth?!

Fred: What are you going to do today?

Martha: Test that fence over there again...and maybe sniff that rock.  How about y....come on zoo worker...master of zoology....let's get the food where I can reach it.  Atta girl...freaking genius.

Fred: I'm gonna kill that elephant over there.  All night long...it's, "Hey, did you see my face on the new banner?  Hey did you see I'm the face of the zoo?"  If I was back home I would shove this sharp thing on my nose up his big, fat, as...Honestly, stop with the cameras!  I'm doing it...

Martha: What?

Fred: I'm doing it. I'm starving myself. I'm getting out of here.  I can't take it.

Martha: I'm going to go sniff that rock.

Okay, maybe they weren't talking, but those eyes were saying a lot.