Thursday, November 7, 2013

"Shame On You" For Hire

The other day, while riding my bike, I passed three people holding a giant sign that read "Shame on" and then had the name of a fitness company that was located across the street.  This wasn't the first time I've seen a sign like this, but as I continued to ride, I started to have some questions about this shameful strategy and I wanted to discuss them.

First of all, what's the point of the sign?  Sure it names the company, but is it really getting the point across  What about a mechanical or a giant inflated finger wagging back and forth?  Or a group of fifty people continually pointing at the building while shaking their heads?  Or a big fart machine that makes loud noises every time someone enters or leaves the building?  Now, something like that would make me stop and ask, "Hey, why the fart noises?  Oh wait, are you saying that company treats their employees like pieces of poo?  Shame on them!"  See what I'm saying?

Second of all, the slogan is awful.  "Shame on You?"  That's the best you got?  Oh, sorry Mom for lying about stealing that gum.  You are right....shame on me.  Come on, we can do better. How about: "You suck!?" "Or (Insert Company) Are A Bunch of Jack Asses?!"  Or "(Insert Company)'s Mamma is so fat/stupid that she....(Insert punchline.)"  Again, what's the goal here?  To mildly protest or make a statement?

Lastly, how should I say this?  What's with the people who are holding these signs because, I'll be honest, a lot of credibility for these bizarre protests are lost because of the "warriors" behind the signs.  For example, the other day I saw a guy asleep in a lawn chair behind the sign, another one was most likely asleep while standing against the sign, and a woman, who was actually holding onto the edge, was completely immersed in her phone. (Probably checking for more "Shame On You" gigs for next week.)  Not one of them looked like they were employees of the targeted company, and most importantly, not one looked like they gave one piece of crap on how this whole ordeal got resolved.

So, here's my final question?  Who created this "Shame On You" company and how do I hire them for my personal gigs?  For example, how much would it cost for me to get some "strong like ox" people to stand valiantly outside Costco and hold a sign that reads: "Shame On You Costco for Switching to Pepsi Products At Your Food Court?"  Or how about a group of traveling sign holders that I could use periodically for people on the road that says, "Shame On You (Insert make of car) for braking before the light turned yellow?"  I'll even take the guy asleep as long as every once in a while he jumps up, runs in front of the sign, points to my preferred target and screams, in a banshee voice, "Yeah, Shame On YOU."  Three times an hour should do it.

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