Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Yeah Right, Clifford
And, the last thing I was never told, and something I would like to publicly warn future mothers of, is the utter ridiculousness of children's books. I'm not saying reading to your child is bad, I'm just saying the books you read to them make NO SENSE. None. Take for example, Clifford the Big Red Dog. First of all, there is not a government on the planet that would allow this ginormous dog to run around. It would be put down and sent to a lab for testing before Will Smith could even think about becoming some hero and flying an alien spaceship into its brain. Second of all, what parent thinks a dog the size of a house is a good playmate for a girl named Elizabeth. Are they hoping that Clifford by accident eats Elizabeth so they can stop paying for cheer camp? And when the authorities come questioning her whereabouts they can just shrug their shoulders and say, "I think our dog ate her." This is okay for homework, but to get out of parenting is just unacceptable. And lastly, let's be honest, this dog is huge. According to the book, which I'm taking as fact, Clifford bathes in a pool, eats large amounts of food and sleeps in a house equally as large as Elizabeth's house. So, let me ask you this: 1. What family in their right mind would spend millions of dollars to house, feed and care for an animal that could at any point sit on them and instantly kill them? 2. And you know you are all wondering this...who cleans up this dog's poo? I mean seriously. His dumps would cover neighborhoods.
I just want some realistic books. None of these stories of a grown man hanging out with a talking monkey, some bird asking everyone if its his mother (don't get me started on this depressing story) or about a genetically mutant dog. Is that too much to ask?