Last Friday, while driving home from practice, I decided to call my mom. Like a total idiot, I neglected to put my phone on speaker or to use my blue tooth device. Consequently, I was pulled over and asked the idiotic question of, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I don't understand the logic behind this question. If I'm speeding, I know I'm speeding. If I'm snorting cocaine and changing lanes erratically, I know I'm snorting cocaine and changing lanes erratically. It's not that difficult. I wonder if they just ask the question in order to immediately make you feel like a little child, who got caught painting their room with magic markers. So, belittling...Anyway, in response to his stupid question I replied, "Was it because I was on my cell phone? Because I was just looking at it because my phone is out of battery." (Cue showing cop cell phone out of battery. Wait five seconds. Cue phone beeping out of battery.) What can I say, my phone was honestly almost out of battery? I'm what you call "quick." Or a "liar."
Anyway, I could tell he was about to buy my story and then, after a little hesitation, asked for my paperwork. Sheepishly, I handed over my registration and proof of insurance, and then with as much polite flirtation as I could muster, batted my eyes and said, "So, I sort of forgot my license at home." He then marched back to his car, and I began to hear Erik Estrada (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) say over and over, "Why didn't you have your license or blue tooth on you?" I swear, there's nothing worse than the mockery of your spouse. Anyway, after a few minutes, (which by the way, what are they doing that entire time? Thinking of other stupid questions to ask like, "Do you know why what you did was so bad?") Anyway, again, he came back and informed me he couldn't find me in the system. Couldn't find me? Ha! I then repeated my birth date and watched him sulk back to his car. For a few seconds I wondered if I was about to get out of a ticket, and then I saw a van rental receipt I had from the weekend before. Written out on the contract was my license number. At this point, I was torn: Do I pretend I didn't see the contract and hope that the cop doesn't find me, or do I give my number and pray my honesty will get me out of the ticket? I've always been a little bit of a "gambler"* so I waved the cop down and gave him my license number. Minutes ticked off and he returned once more. He then said, "Because you were so honest, and not really on your cell phone, I'm giving you a warning." Immediately, I screamed a loud thank you and continued on my way.
As I called my mom back, this time on speaker, I began to reflect on what had just happened. I, immediately, realized I felt rather torn about the situation. Because on one hand, I felt bad for lying to the officer about being on my cell phone, and yet, I was sort of proud of myself for being honest. It was a strange feeling, and yet, if I had to do it all over again, I would, without a doubt, play the "out of battery" card any day of the week. Because let's be honest, honesty is not worth a ridiculous ticket or a spouse's disapproval.
* Actually, not at all.
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