Tuesday, September 9, 2014
There's the Spine, you are having a boy, there's the heart...
I mean seriously, nurse, if I may passive aggressively speak to you in this slightly anonymous blog, I think we need to work a little on your job performance. First of all, no one in their right mind can follow the ultrasound. Seriously, as soon as it starts, I have to restrain myself from screaming out, "Call NASA! An Alien has invaded my body!" And when I see the "leg" you are pointing out, and I say, "Oh look at that," I really mean, "What the beep? That's not a leg, but a creepy claw of some prehistoric frog." So, please, stop acting like we are jumping ahead of your grand pageantry of fetal anatomy. We have no freaking idea what's going on, so let's not just throw out the, "Um, yes, and it's a boy," like we had already figured that out. We didn't. And still when you pointed out the "obvious" gender indicator, and we said, "Oh look at that," we really meant, "Okay witch doctor. Good prediction, let's see if your reading of the tea leaves comes true."
And lastly, let's work on delivering the big news. Let's try a question like, "Are you guys ready to find out what you are having?" Or, "Do you guys have any guesses?" And lastly, why not try, "Guess what, I figured out what you are having...oh my gosh, I can't wait to tell you, please, can I tell you? Please, please, please." Now that would be better. With a little preemptive question I could gather myself and say, "OKAY we are READY!!!" And then we all scream and laugh when we hear the good news...instead of, "Did you just mutter the gender of our baby?"
Honestly, how do you deliver the bad news? "Yes, I see a heart, no sorry 2 hearts, one hand, two tails, yes, that's an alien, 1 giant lung sac that looks like it's eating your placenta..."
Did you just say, "Alien?"