Tuesday, September 23, 2014

My Fear List of Boys

So, as I mentioned I just found out that I'm having a boy.  If I'm honest I have some fears of having a boy.  I'm going to list them and you, I mean Mom and maybe one other reader, who might have forgiven me for past entries, can tell me if I'm being crazy:

  1. He'll pee all over me.  I mean, all the time.  What can I say?  I'm slightly afraid of the boy hose.  I feel like that thing has a mind of its own.
  2. I will spend the next 12 years stepping on razor sharp legos in the middle of the night.
  3. Everything from a stick, to a roll of wrapping paper will become a sword that he will wield like a Nordic Viking.  I sort of did this as a kid and now I'm regretting all those times I attacked my mom while she was making dinner.  Karma.
  4. He will spend the rest of his life trying to marry a woman like me and fail miserably.  Oh wait, that's not my fear.  I fear he'll bring home some floozy (do people still use that word?) and say, "Mom she reminded me so much of you," and I'll be utterly offended.
  5. He will grow up to be that guy who takes his shirt off any chance he gets.  I went to school with this guy named Louis Cohen who, as soon as the bell rang, would walk out to the parking lot (snow, rain, hail, wind...didn't matter) and would proceed to take his shirt off.  Did he have a good body?  Does that even matter?
  6. I'll have to buy video games for him.  I hate video games.  Can't I just show him videos of real wars and save some money?
  7. He'll come to me to talk about "changes" taking place in him...and I'll try to not giggle like a little girl.
  8. He'll go to UNC,, University of Maryland or Virginia...and love it.  Ew.
  9. He'll look like his father.  Just kidding.  Or am I?  My husband doesn't read this, so I can say whatever I want.  He can and will have his father's legs...and then my Scandinavian genes must take over.
  10. Again, back to the girlfriends.  Please son, date someone I won't hate.   



Benjamin said...

All your fears are real except for 7 and 8.

7) Boys don't EVER go to their Moms on that stuff. So...no worries.

8) You live in California with two Duke parents. Duke and Harvard are the only schools he'll even know exist beyond the Rocky Mountains.

SkippyMom said...

My dad told me once the most intelligent minds over think everything. And it wasn't a good thing.

He was referring to me at the time. He was also an Ivy league graduate and slf taught in more things in his life than I have digits. So, I think he suffered from the same thing.

Maybe suffer is the wrong word, but as funny as you are trying to be [as you referenced in some obscure email I still don't understand] just sit back and relax.

Take the gift you have been given and enjoy it. They hardly pee on you that much, and if you raise them right and they watch their dad respect you, they'll bring home the right girl. And if you are close to your son, like I was, you will have to talk to him about stuff. But you will do it with aplomb and humor.

I use the quote "Parenting without humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math." Because it fits.

Nothing is as beautiful as waking up to the sounds of your kid[s] down the hall, in your bed, mussing your hair or wrestling eachother.

I realize you meant this post as a joke, as you do, but I am not kidding with my advice. Keep a sense of humor, love them fiercely and grab some paper towel.

You're going to need them.

SkippyMom said...

And who cares? Paper towel is cheap.

Unless you are green....then be prepared to wash. A lot.

Alist Partners said...

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates. Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantasti c lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Hot Washed Pet Flakes