Anyway, back to the image I'm trying to create of me going number one in a public restroom....I closed the door and looked up to see a sign on the door that read: "Stool Samples?" What? Then I read on and found out some lab/school/gross ex-bus driver wants to pay people to donate their stool samples for research. What? Then below their contact information it said "up to $500 for your sample." As always I don't even know where to begin.
One, should I be mocking this or applauding this for being a marketing masterpiece? I mean think about it. Contact people who are blowing money, they come in to the bathroom to talk themselves into entering Forever 21 one more time to purchase another lace/see through/knock-off of the 80's skirt, and just when they are considering their credit card debt, you hit them with a chance to make some cash. Brilliant. Why not sell some poo to buy some sh#t at Forever 21? It actually seems like a fair trade.
Two, what does "up to $500" mean? Was I never told this, but do some people have more expensive and unique poo than me? If I donated would I only be paid $250, where as Juan, after Chipolte, gets paid $500? It doesn't seem fair or totally clear on the parameters.
Three, does anyone want me to stop this post...because I sort of do.