Thursday, May 15, 2014

Be Prepared to Be Shocked

So, it turns out, according to my trusty news magazine, that scientists, yes scientists people, have discovered that peeing in pools can actually cause damage to the people inside the pool.  Apparently, and this sort of makes me question everything I thought I knew about the world, chlorine does not have the magical power to sift pee out of water and turn it into clean water, or air, or fairy dust.  (Great....sorry Africa, I thought I had the perfect method to clean your water...and your national debt.  Thanks a lot chlorine.)

No apparently, if there's excessive pee in the pool, and according to the study, that is currently in my trash so I'm going to have to go off memory, there's a lot of pee generally in pools, it mix with chlorine and can turn into a very dangerous chemical that can mess you up.  Again, I wish I had the specifics on this to drive this home.

I'll admit that after reading this I caught myself being surprised by the findings, but then I thought, "Why am I surprised that peeing in a pool, WITH OTHER PEOPLE, isn't a great idea?!"  I mean, do I think showering in fecal matter would be a good idea?  Or do I think hot tubbing in raw chicken sounds fun?  No. No, it doesn't.   Would I allow someone to pee directly on me?  (Regardless of the dare or jellyfish sting)  Answer is still no. And yet, I was surprised and little disappointed by these findings.

And then I started thinking who even started this trend?  I don't remember my mom teaching me to pee in the bath, or in a bucket I was bobbing for apples in, or in a pot of soup.  (Yes, those would cover all the liquid scenarios I could think of.)  No, actually I remember my mom saying, "You pee in the toilet."  Yes, just the toilet.  And yet, somehow, and some way we all do it.

Honestly, did someone, many years ago, get caught peeing in the pool, and in order to cover up their massive faux pas exclaim, "It's okay!  I put a chemical in the pool that destroys my urine.  Seriously, everyone, please pee away.  It's okay.  Look I'm taking water into my mouth and spitting it out!"  And then it began - our pools became giant toilets because someone lied about a magical chemical? Is chlorine even a real chemical?  Did my hair in the summer time really turn green because of the excessive pee it was floating in, or did chlorine actually damage it?  Is drinking and breathing pee the reason Ryan Lochte is such an idiot?
People, the summer is upon us, I need answers.

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