Thursday, May 29, 2014

Bad Driver On Board

Can someone explain to me the reasoning, benefits and background of the "Baby on Board" signs people decide to place in the back of their cars?  Anyone.  I'll even take answers from people driving hybrids, driving insanely slow in the carpool lane, who ordered these signs off Amazon, and with great pride, leaned into the back seat and placed the sign on the window minutes before their child entered the world.  Seriously, anyone?

Because here's my thoughts on the signs:

1. These signs don't deter me from tailgating your bumper, while my own child sings "Let it Go" for the 1,000th time in the back.  No, if anything these signs infuriate me.  You had a child.  Congratulations!  But you know what, that sign was not issued by the DMV, nor was it given you to as you left the hospital with your newborn.  In reality, the sign means nothing.  Yes, you should be safe while driving with a little human, but don't put that sign up to mask your lack of driving skills. If you are slowing down for a yellow and driving twenty five through a neighborhood I'm going to call you a name and possibly give you the finger.  Own your bad driving. Don't blame the kid.  

2. If people are going to continue with these signs can they at least become mandatory for everyone else?  For example I would love to see, "Illegals On Board."  (No more hiding.  At least with this sign I'll understand why you don't want to be pulled over for going over the speed limit.)  "Phone on Board."  Ah, so the swerving is not you but the phone being texted on.  Got it.  "Asian On Board."  Do you know how many swear words this sign alone would save me?  "Insecure About Manhood on Board."  Ah, the big truck and speeding.  Now it makes sense.  

3. Now, now, now people I can sort of deal with the "Baby on Board" sign, but let's not get all crazy and graduate to the "Child on Board."  Are you really going to keep updating your sign until it reads, "Lonely/Overprotective Mother on Board"?  Again, there's no power or meaning to these signs.  All they really mean is: You like to watch your toddler sleep...for hours.  And sometimes you like to chew their food for them.  You consider beating kids up who aren't nice to your kid at the park, and think any parent, who doesn't hold their child for at least 45 minutes everyday is being negligent.  You are a crazy parent and that sign only confirms it.  So listen, stop the crazy train and take down the sign.  You will survive and your kid will become potty trained at a normal age. I promise.


Chelsee said...

Favorite post ever!

Benjamin said...

Really..what parent doesn't consider beating up the kid being mean to their child or at least cussing them out. My temptation is to replicate the poor behavior on the kids parent while yelling..."This is not acceptable behavior".

SkippyMom said...

"If you are slowing down for a yellow and driving twenty five through a neighborhood"

How, exactly, does this constitute bad driving? My entire town [population 2,300] is nothing but 25 mph and for good reason. It's small and there are a lot of kids. As for slowing down for a yellow, I'd rather not run the risk of t boning someone if you don't mind.

But the baby on board sign? Never. I don't drive the way I do because I have had kids in my car for over 25 years. I have always driven the way I do because it's the law.

Too bad the guy who rearended us on New Year's day [who did in fact have a small child in the car] wasn't paying attention to the speed limit or the fact we were stopped to turn onto our street. He hit us going 35 mph and caused $12,500 damage to my brand new car. His excuse? He had turned around to talk to his son - and didn't see us. He had over 300 ft to notice my bright green car.

So, yeah - perhaps those signs are warning us that some parents are freaking idiots when they drive and break the laws.