Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Wonders Of Being A Woman

Now, I'll be the first to admit that being a woman definitely has its advantages. For example, there's the phrase, "Ladies first," which in itself means a myriad of things - we get to enter warm buildings before our cold male counterparts, we get to pick the best looking appetizers off the plate before everyone else and we are the first ones off a sinking ship or out of a burning building (alright, if kids aren't involved....geez.) Also, dating as a woman was fantastic. Don't like the guy? Never going to end up with him? Alright, but I'll still eat this amazing dinner for free and see this one time reunion of Led Zeppelin...for free...because I can...and then not pick up my phone for the second date? Okay.

Now, as great as is to sit while going to the bathroom and having the ability to give life, there are also some annoying parts of being a woman. For example, about once a week some jack a## decides to call me "sweetie," "honey" or "miss" at the restaurant. It takes everything I have inside me to not pour hot coffee in his lap or give him a spoon, from my last table, to use for his oatmeal...well, at least I don't pour the coffee.

I have also found that on the golf course people, I mean, men, treat me like I'm an idiot. For example, yesterday the husband and I went up to Malibu to play a round of golf. As the two guys we were playing with and myself started to warm up the starter suggested we take a practice shot off the tee. First, Brian, name has not been changed, but if you must know, all I gathered was he was Asian and from Torrance, hit his first ball and watched it completely slice. The next guy, Alex, who again all I found out was Japanese and had an abundance amount of snacks, that I partook of, hit his ball and it hooked rather bad. Then I got up, hit my ball, which went slightly to the right, but not sliced, and before I could turn around the starter was behind me saying, "Now, I'm not a golf pro, but do you mind if I give you a little tip?" He then proceeded to give me some old man advice about hitting a golf ball, which sort of sounded like, "blah, blah, golf, blah, blah golf," and THEN as I teed off for REAL he said, WHILE IN MY BACK SWING, "now remember the (insert stupid old man advice)." I stopped my swing, and said, "Thanks, but I think I'm going to stick with what I got."

Now, you tell me, would this guy EVER give advice like that to the two idiots, who went before me? Nope.

So, men, I'll watch the Titanic sinking, but don't tell me how to play golf.

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