Butt

So, sometimes I play a little game through the blog world. I'll start on a blog I typically read, and then jump from their blog to someone they read, to someone that that other blog reads and so on. Eventually, I find myself reading about some bizarre picnic of people I don't know and how they decided to make potato salad without mayo. I know, no mayo! I'll be honest, it's sort of weird looking in on people's lives, but isn't that what blogs are all about?

Anyway, in the course of this game I've realized two things. One, I'm a snob about blogs. If I see more than two entries containing artistic pictures of asian salads and cupcakes, I have to restrain myself from leaving a comment that reads, "This blog makes me want to kill myself. Please do us all a favor and stop any contact with the internet."

Two, I really think some people are mentally not right. For example, the other day I came across a particular blog that made me want to get in my car and find this person - not to congratulate them, but to find their computer and destroy it. (Now just a little background. This blog is covered in crap. There's music playing, slideshows moving and grammatical errors all over the place.)

This was the entry, (With a few of my comments):

Then I noticed Lynzii (Who spells LINZEE like this?) was looking all pudgatron, which was such a tender mercy bc it reminded me that no matter what, I still am better than others so super greatful about that. {No offense}. (Taken.) PLUS I put Tridg and Alivyiah (Again, these names? These names. This alone should call for capital punishment) in darling outfits that matched JJWT's and I's outfits too, plus my shoes and mascara really made it pop. So basically a perfect Sunday. (Basically, I'm about to kill myself, but then I read the next paragraph.)

The only downer was the trail I faced, when a girl I won't name but who's little girl is darling and adorbs (not my mistake, but hers) and is one of Alivyiah and Tridger's besties, it honestly tears my heart out but I have to friend-breakup w/ them. Sad but true. I overheard her say something very, very vulgar and shocking. At our house we exclusively only say "bum" and never "butt" which is what I heard her say. Out loud. So, so sad. I'll just have to tell her sorry, our kids can't hang out anymore thanx to your poor choice, hate to judge but these really are the last days so I gotta pick a side you know? (Too many comments to make in small paranthesis.)

ANNNNNDDDD do you know what was the worst part of this entire entry?? She had 62 comments. 62 people, okay 63 people, read this entry. 62 people! I can't even get one comment from my mom!

ANNDDDD the comments were even more ridiculous than the entry.

Comment 1: (NO CHANGES MADE)
Isnt it such a trail to see you're besties let go of the iern rod? It's like they're totally taking for granit that their in Zion. Way to go for the friend-breakup decision. You should rite to the ensign about it.

I don't even know what to say to this.

Comment 2:
Your such a great example TAMN!!! I want to be as strong of a mother as you are and always keep your kids best interest in perspective! I deff-in-nut-ly would not want {whispering} B-U-T-T in my home let alone in front of my children ears. GAAAAASP!!! I mean imagine what she says behind closed doors... Bless her heart! She does know how her choices are affecting others! Good job for taking care of your family first! I hope she can learn from your example!

Great example!?? I'm literally sweating like a crazed person right now. Tawn, if you are out and stumble on my blog, please dig a hole and stay there. Please.

Kick Him While He's Down

Today in the paper I read the following article:

"Segway owner dies after falling off river cliff. All police found at the bottom of a cliff was a man's body in a frigid river and a Segway, the two-wheeled electric device that was supposed to revolutionize personal transport."

Now, there are few things that are funny* about this article. First, and obviously, the fact that the GUY WHO OWNED THE SEGWAY COMPANY dies while riding one. What's next Ronald McDonald choking on a quarter pounder?

Second, is it just me, or does the author of this article sort of hate segways? I mean, here he is reporting on a tragedy and he takes the time to sort of sarcastically say, "...the two wheeled electric device that was supposed to revolutionize personal transport." Why not just leave it at Segway, a two-wheeled electric device? Why go a step further to rub a little salt in the dead man's wound by basically saying, "Some stupid device that I found incredibly annoying and pointless." The man died falling off a cliff. Let him be.

* Not ha, ha, but more hmmm. There's a difference.

Found Snake

Tonight while I was walking back from my car I saw two signs stapled to a pole. One said, "Missing Cat" and the other one said "Found Snake." I'm not a detective, but I think there might be a correlation here.

And more importantly, who just found a snake and decided to make a sign for it? A snake? Really? So, next time I come across...say a...black widow should I be making a sign for that also?

False Advertising

* I couldn't get the actual advertisement but these are the pictures they used.

The other day I was driving down Santa Monica Blvd. and along the street were these ridiculous signs for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra. I'm not sure who is in charge of their PR department, but I think they might want to re-think their whole marketing strategy. First, these signs don't make me want to attend their concerts. If anything, they make me want to donate money to cure whatever is ailing this individual. Honestly, he looks like he is suffering from either cerebral palsy, or from hemifacial spasms. Second of all, these "advertisements" sort of scare me. If I was shown this picture, without LA Philharmonic Orchestra all over it, I would think this guy was performing a exorcism or needed one himself. Honestly, this picture screams, "Come to my little concert so I can eat your little children."

Lastly, I think my biggest problem with these "advertisements" is the fact that orchestras are not cool. Going to the symphony is not cool. So, don't try to make some edgy poster to convince me otherwise. I've been to the symphony, and some eccentric and overly excited conductor is not going to change the fact that every song is going to sound the same in my head, and each second I spend trying to like the experience is only going to send me into a fit of rage.

Dear PR Department of the LA Philharmonic Orchestra,

Next year please be more honest in your advertisements. I really feel like a picture of an old man sleeping, empty seats or zoned out faces would really be more accurate.

Thanks,
Kate

Yooo Hooo semite

A few weeks ago John Muir (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) and I traveled to Yosemite National Park. Please enjoy the pictures.We got to the entrance of the park in five hours, but then had to drive an additional one hour and forty-five minutes to our campsite. Yosemite is huge! Behind John Muir is El Capitan.The next morning we woke up and did an awesome hike. Behind our friends is the first waterfall we saw.This is where we stopped for lunch.Nevada Falls. My favorite picture of the day. Oh wait...actually this was my favorite picture.We drove up to Glacier Point to see the entire park. Outside of almost running out of gas and watching a Japanese girl almost fall to her death, it was an amazing view.

A Little Flashback

Today I was organizing some pictures and I came across this gem. I love that while I was passed out my husband thought to take this picture.

Oh Kelly Clarkson!

Last night Nurse Betty (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) had to work late, so I had to give myself a shot. There's nothing worse than inflicting pain upon yourself.

I can only compare the experience to this clip.

May You Rest in Peace Michael

I know, how much can I milk our trip to Universal Studios? I just had to make this a separate entry because I absolutely love this picture. Picture a sea of people shuffling along a rather famous sidewalk. In the middle of this, my smooth criminal drops to his knees and the following picture is taken.When he came up, an African American man looked at my husband and said, in sort of an accusatory tone, "That's my man." I wanted to tell the guy, "Um, maybe Jackson 5 days, but I think we can claim him Bad on."

Stark County Meets WWE

Because of my political science degree I found this quite amusing...Oh, and the fact that this guy is nutso.

Universal Studios Hick Style

Here's the thing...when the husband and I do something - we don't really do it in the most conventional sort of way.

At first, we took some normal pictures.















And then things got out of control. The picture of the husband was absolutely hilarious. As soon as the husband touched his hips, he completely freaked out, and I'll be honest, I don't think the Monkey saw me coming. What can I say - I was feeling the spirit of Universal Studios.















And then...things continued to go south.












And the characters continued. Yes, that would be a female mullet.

The Star of the Show

Today, Mr. Ed (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) and I decided to head out to Universal Studios and get a little touristy. I have more pictures to post, but I thought this short video would be a good introduction into our visit.

Location: Animal Show

Volunteer: Mr. Ed (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband)

Living in the 90403

The past couple of weeks Larry Appleton (name has been changed to protect the privacy of my husband) and I have been looking for a new apartment. Our only criteria has been the following: Santa Monica, 2 parking spaces and a dishwasher. Sounds like that would be an easy fit. Well, not where we live. Last weekend I went and saw a bedroom apartment for $2,400 a month. (Yes, for those of you not living in California I did write $2,400.) Here's what I encountered at this "luxury" apartment listing: the elevator didn't work, the door looked like a crazy bear had tried to break it open, the front room sported a delightful blue spot about the size of my face, there was only 1 closet and when I opened the refrigerator, I definitely smelled something like cat urine...definitely cat.

I swear Santa Monica for $2,400 I better see a dancing bear serving waffles, a hot tub in the 2nd bathroom, an included cleaning service and car wash each month and a talking squirrel that does my dishes.

Reality TV...come on....

There's many reasons The Bachelor, and any spin-off of it, bother me. One, it pains me to watch grown adults vie for someone's affection, not because they are actually in love, but because HUMAN BEINGS ARE COMPETITIVE. Two, I think Chris Harrison should be fired, or at least paid 1/10 of his salary. I mean, the guy only says, "There's a Rose Ceremony," "When you are ready," and "There's only one final rose" and gets paid probably g-gillons dollars of monies.

And lastly, and this is where I get the most fired up, I hate, no I loathe, when the Bachelor or Bachelorette imply that they came up with the dates. Yeah, I believe some unemployed Reality TV star just happened to be sitting in their mansion dreaming up a helicopter ride over San Francisco, followed up by zip lining down the Grand Canyon and dinner at a private club in Vegas. Sure....

Come on Reality TV, you had me at "When people stop being polite... and start getting real..." Just keep things classy.