Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Not Such A Loving Mother To Be
So, for the past couple of mornings, around 5:30, a bird or a crow or Satan himself, I'm not completely sure, flies over to our window and proceeds to make the most annoying squawking sounds over and over again. These squawks bring blood to my ears because not only do they sound like a small child being stabbed, but they come at an annoying rhythm of every 8 seconds. (I counted.) So, this morning, as I lay there in a fit of rage, I began to think of ways to kill this bird. I thought about a bb gun, but decided my aim was a little too unreliable. (Though the taste of a direct hit seemed very sweet in my mouth.) I thought about rocks, but unfortunately, we live in a city where rocks would be hard to come by. (I've tried to stay pragmatic in my murderous plotting.) Finally, and this is the thought that slightly worried me, I wondered if this bird had any children. And if it had children, could I find them? And if I could find them, could I hold them hostage while this bird gave itself up? And if it didn't give itself up, would I be willing to make good on my threat and take down his children?
And this is where I'm wondering if my maternal instinct and softness hasn't kicked in yet? Thoughts? Or does anyone know of a way to kill a bird?