Sunday, March 23, 2008

It ain't gonna happen...

I can't say two years ago I ever pictured my life this way. I'm a wife. I live in California. I coach. I make dinner. I sleep next to a boy. I contemplate procreating. Nope...I never pictured this. For the longest time I saw marriage as the end. It's the end to happiness, freedom and independence. Yet, after almost a year and a half of this gig I can't imagine or think of a happier time in my life. I literally laugh everyday. I don't just laugh a little chuckle, but a serious outburst. I love that. I also have never experienced love like this. Sure my family and friends love me - but I have never felt something so intense as this. It's sometimes indescribable. I have never wanted to be near to someone, touch someone, talk to someone or be with someone as much as I feel now. I sometimes wonder what I was doing for the beginning of my life. How did I walk around without this energy and love in my life? (What can I say the romantic is out tonight)

Probably the funniest thing about my marriage is how it all began. For as perfect as I feel my relationship is now - I can't imagine a more disjointed, "never gonna happen" beginning.

In the spring of 2004 I decided to go back to Duke to visit some friends and see a game. Somehow, and truly I don't remember, I was set up with this guy named Danny Hick. (or Hicks - as I first thought). Before I went to North Carolina we talked on the phone one night. From the very beginning I remember nothing that resembled fireworks or a glimpse into my future. All I remember was we talked about Duke basketball and other random stuff as I paced the old apartment my parents used to own on South Temple. I do remember (and I'm not inserting this for future posterity) that I found him easy to talk to. However, I must also admit that I had become jaded after a year of blind dating to the guys who "seemed cool on the phone" because they were usually the guys who needed the good "personality."

Anyway, when I got out to Carolina I tried my best to act excited, but to be honest I wasn't happy about this long distanced match-making. I mean seriously, did everyone involved truly believe something would happen? I lived in Utah, he lived in Carolina blah blah. It wasn't gonna happen. Our first date was nice, but again, I was already checked out. The next night he came over to watch basketball and again I thought everyone is trying hard here, but the effort is a little misguided. Finally, I went back to Utah and thought, "well I hope this danny, dan, hick, hicks guy has a good life - because again it ain't gonna happen." (i know long thought)

So here I sit on a Sunday night. My husband, Dan, and I just got back from the grocery store where we got in a fight over which ice cream to buy. I say fight, but really it consisted of two grown ups laughing and pushing each other as the other one tried to antagonize the other over the decision of fat free vs. the real stuff. It ended up that Dan bought two types of ice cream, ran out of the store and I ran after him screaming, "Stop that man!!!"

Life - I can't explain. Happiness - I can't explain. All I know is I hope life continues to surprise me.

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